showing through

days and days
2004-06-30 18:19:21 (UTC)

foggy eyes

Through tears and unwanted sniffles I realized a whole lot
yesterday.
Going on writting tangents and endless rants about unwanted
thoughts or aspirations I found myself staring in a mirror.
A mirror lined with words of honesty. The truth shining
brighter than ever, making me realise exactly why i have
been doing what i have been doing to myself. Why I've been
feeling certain ways or thinking certain things. There's a
need for something new creeping beneath my skin, so quickly
I am completely convinced it will soon tear through the
surface and splatter everywhere.
- it only takes a few words to clarify months, even years
of confusion-

Too much time spent alone, too much time left to think...
though sometimes necessary, I begin to feel selfish. These
diaries make me feel so self absorbed because it's all
about me, me, me... and those who chose to put themselves
through reading all my crap are throwing away their time..
because I don't think all this will ever go away... I'll
always be writing about "who am i" and "why am i doing
this" though i'm finding it completely ridiculous and
slightly tiresome. but i continue to do it.. because
without it, I'd explode.
----

What I find so extraordinary about our minds is our ability
to take one tiny thing and relate it to a memory... linked
to unbelievable amounts of emotion and thought. one tiny
thing. as small as a single sound, glance, smell, touch...
whatever it may be. It's somewhat sickening, really...
thought also extremely facsinating. wow, I'm boring today..
I really need to get out.... lol

but just think, tomorrow is CANADA DAY!!... woot




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