heaven key

2004-06-26 01:04:46 (UTC)


well to make it short i have been with an amazing man for
about 2 months. he was just amazing. he gave me the chance
to feel love again, and he today took it away. mike said he
was confused amd didnt know what he wanted, which was a
complete slap in the face seeing how we have been spending
so much time together the past 2 months. i really thought
this was it. but i am coming to realise that perhaps he is
not as mentally stable as i would like for him to be. about
2 days ago he started bringing up so many different things.
he could not focus on just one thing, which was a red flag
right there. one second he was wanting me the next saying
he was confused. it was pretty much out of left field, and
him giving me the run around. i explained to him that i
want to be with him despite the fact that he has 2
children , and that i enjoy having them around. he said
okay and i thought that was settled, but today i had a
feeling of uneasyness so i called him. i baisicly told him
that i was feeling shitty , and had feelings that he was
not too into our relationship anymore. he said he didnt
know what he wanted , and that he needed time. then it
turned to he knew what he wanted, but that every time he
tried to do it i would stop him. point blank he wants to be
alone. i feel that he is seriouosly depressed and selfish
all at the same time. he reakky was not good about breaking
up with me, and he was actually somewhat rude. i feel that
in this relationship i have been passive , and not spoke my
mind, i dont know if this will blow over or what, i dont
know who or what this has to do with , but i know that i am
seriously hurting and feel betrayed. i have such a bad
headache , and i am supposed to be going out dancing? hmm
we will see how that one blows over. i wish that htere was
something i could do for him. as bad as this sounds, i just
want to take him in my arms and tell him everything will be
okay because i know he has issues right now in his mind. he
seems almost like a little boy . he straight up told me
that he needed someone who could take care of him, and that
he didnt think i was able to do that, but whats that
suppose to mean ? anyhow i think i just need some time. i
need to get my bike from his place, and i have his shirt
and some boxer shorts of his. i wonder how thats going to
go when i need to see him and get the stuff back. im
thinking i will be crying on the inside, buti have to try
my hardest not to let him see me cry, because i know he
knows that i am hurting already and crying in front of him
may make me look a lil too desperate. i am going to get
going now and hopefully i have the strength to get over
this without losing another part of my life. i will miss
him , as i do , but i guess that this is just a part of life