bluemoon

The crazy world of me
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2004-06-25 06:51:03 (UTC)

Relationships Suck

hey peoples!! It's been a while. this relationship thing
fucking sucks. i really just wish i could believe that
ricky cares about me. a lot of times i think if i were to
say ricky i can't be in this relationship with you that he
would not even care. that he would be like okay and go
onto the next person. i really want to believe that he is
not doing dirt but his whole need to talk to girls on the
internet drives me crazy. It wouldn't bother me so much
but it is like he is putting himself out there as if he is
single or something. I am so parnoid about it that I
occassionaly pop in to check his pages to see if he has
changed his status and sometimes he has. a long time ago
he said he kept it with nothing on there because it scares
people away because they think oh he has a girlfriend. But
is that wrong? I mean he does have a girlfriend. I can
understand having friends that are girls but I dont
understand why he has to meet him like that. Then a long
time ago he told me that he dont tell everyone he has a
girlfriend. To tell you the truth coming from a girl I
would rather talk to a guy who had a girlfriend because
then I wouldn't feel like he was wanting anything more from
the situation. He said he canceled his e-mail account
which I believe but I know it will all change again when he
goes back to school. It bothers me also because of the
whole him thinking he was in love with someone he met off
the internet. I mean he was talking about how he wanted to
marry the girl and stuff. I mean it took him like a year
before he could even tell me he loved me. I think a lot of
times that he just stays with me because he feels obligated
to or because he feels he owes me something. Which was
another conversation he had once with someone on the
internet. He let them know he had a girl but said well she
says i am her whole world and blah blah blah and was pretty
much staying with me because he felt he owed me. And he
wonders why I question this all. Even though we fight all
the time I am not out trying to talk to other guys not even
just to be friends with. he would not like it if I called
guys all the time and had conversations with them. I hate
freaking out about this shit but it is my constant worry
that he is going to find someone else and leave me. I hate
relationships!!!!!!11


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