Belle Morte

Nothing Special
2004-06-24 05:32:46 (UTC)

creamy nougat

the heart of my summer. spent at home forgotten. i'm not
sure what to write because i'm not sure what to think. i'm
not mad... just...... sad. 2 days in a row i get completely
blown off by my friends i start to think i don't have
friends. i guess i could get used to it but that thought
makes me feel so awful.. how horrid must a person be to not
have any friends? pretty bad i'd say. i've seen some pretty
fucked up people in my day and they seem to have friends.
so does that mean i'm the scum of the earth? nah, i think
that would be overly dramatic. its not that i'm too awful
to have friends, just that i'm too... bland. boring.
generic. not generic... but... insignificant. i just sort
of... blend into the background noise of the world, so that
no one notices what i am, or cares what i do or feel.
except when i make myself stand out by breaking laws or
something... then i become a blemish. how fun. there are so
many people just like me, useless pathetic teens with no
goals or direction or purpose in life, who have left mark
on no one, because no one cares about them.... i doubt
anyone would notice if one or one million of us
disappeared. i'm sure i wouldn't be the first, and i
certainly would't be the last. but thats stupid. i'm just
being overly dramatic again. anyways, if i did anything
drastic i would stop being background noise. and usually
that just causes drama and shit that i don't wanna fuck
with. i'm jsu so tired... and lonely. and bitchy. there are
no words for me to be poetic because i don't kno what i am
feeling. so i just ramble on and on in here trying to
figure out the best way to describe the indescribable. and
i always fail. but my real goal, to make other people feel
bad for me, that was accomplished at the very first
sentence. great. greeeeeeeeeeeeeat. i disgust myself.




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