humming bird

my F***ed up head
2004-06-18 19:31:20 (UTC)

lost in...somthing

yeah so mark hated me for the whole mike thing... turned
out he had done the same thing to me. He kissed christine
and she spent the night at his house that night and they
were both fucked up and she told me he ate her out and he
got back together with me the next day and was kissing me
and god that makes me sick... thats fucking sick and he is
such a hypocrit. and i told him he cant keep losing his
temper and flipping out and yelling at me and swearing and
calling me a bitch and a slut and every other name there is
or else i will leave for good and he said he would change
and he did for a while... he just changed his way of
controlling me tho... it's all the same without the yelling
though.. he fucks with my mind. even if i didnt do anything
he has a way of twisting everything around so that it is my
fault and i fucked up and it takes me calling nikki to be
reassured that i really didnt do anything wrong. i end up
apologizing for something he did or said. and i told him i
knew if he changed it would just be for a little bit and i
was right.. cuz he is going back to the way that he was
slowly. and when he does that i dont fight back. he rips on
me and i just take it i dont fight back i dont know why i
let him. he's gonna hit me one day if i stay. i know he
will he fits the profile.. his dad use to beat his mom
right in front of him and he swears he doesnt want to end
up like his dad but he will. but i'm all he has right now
and if eel bad taking that away. but i still think about
mike i still miss him and wish i was with him and yet i
wonder if it would be worth it i wonder how it would be and
if it would turn into anything or just be a fling and at
the same time i wonder if i should even be with anyone at
all of if i should just be single and enjoy it. i dont know
what im doing... i dont know what to do