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The Blue of my Oblivion
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2004-06-18 02:14:55 (UTC)

never hurt so much

Oh my God my heart has NEVER hurt so much. There is
actually a physical pain in my heart. It's something I've
never experienced in my whole life. It's so horrible. I've
just finished the first half of Schindler's list, and my
skin is soft from tears. Oh my gosh I am such a big baby
and I know it but this movie just tugs and tugs at my
heartstrings. I knew it would be sad, and I knew that it
was going to be difficult for me to watch, and I was even
doing okay until they shot that little boy. How horrid is
it that those bloodthirsty animals could go on such a
maniacal killing spree? He just woke up and stood in his
balcony, picked up a gun, and started shooting people at
random. One by one he just picked them off and shot them in
the head, and no one around them could do anything. These
people's only crime was that they were born Jewish. And it
kills me so much knowing that it's a true story and all
those people really did die. It's never been so real.

I'm still shaking. It's eating up my insides. It's like I
wish there was something I could do, but I know that
there's not. And it makes me really mad, and I feel like I
have to fix it. And I'm anti-people like me, so I'm mad at
myself for getting like this. I know it's not up to me, but
I can't help feeling like it. And that's selfish, I know,
but I want to help them! The people who survived, who saw
people dying around them, they're my grandparent's age. I
could have had this really amazing friend, the perfect best
friend for me, and they could not be here because their
grandmother was gassed before she could have children. It's
crazy, but this movie is making me think about it. I'm
actually a little ready to see the rest, but I need a
crying buddy. I need someone to come sit with me and hold
my hand and cry with me. Boo I'm a bad person.

This movie changes people...