polyester bride

The Blue of my Oblivion
2004-06-17 23:07:58 (UTC)

the tendency to lie

So, apparently, I can't be left alone. Why that is, I'm
not exactly sure. He "just can't" and that's the end of
that. He says I'm too pretty and smart. I'll never forget
exactly how SICK I felt when he was trying to maul me in my
carport and he said, "Look at you and your pretty blue
eyes." Well, first of all, my eyes aren't blue. Second,
gross! Look at me with my pretty blue eyes. That might have
been semi-romantic if he didn't have one hand up my shirt
and the other on my ass at the time. You know, it just
takes away from the actual statement. It would have been
better had I liked him or had he gotten my eye color right.
Then he called me the other day, asking if he could come
over and spend the day with me. I couldn't lie to him, make
up an excuse, I'm not especially good at lying. So I just
told him I wasn't ready for it, and that I'm not "that type
of girl" so he said to call him when I was ready, in other
words when I become a whore who is in favor of casual
teenage sex on a daily basis. Yeah buddy. And that will be
never, by the way. Not with him anyway. Boys like that have
the tendency to lie, and there are a lot of boys like that.
That's one of the reasons why I have major trust problems.
I don't know who I can be real with, because everyone is so
deceitful nowadays. It's a little sad.

But I haven't talked to him since then. I'm hoping that's
a sign. But there are more people like him out there, and
that's really scary to me. Because I've read about things
like this, and seen things on tv and in movies. But the
fact that it's happened to me, it's just so real and that
freaks the hell out of me. I've had experiences like this
before with odl babysitters and whatnot, which is gross
because that was when I was like nine. Damn perverts. But
now that I'm older and understand what it all means, it's
so scary to walk outside knowing that they're everywhere. I
feel really vulnerable and afraid. I'm gonna start walking
around with my portable, personal, very large, bald
bouncer. Named Jon. Yes. As soon as I feel uncomfortable
with any situation I just pull the string and woot! It's
Jon. Security. I'll have to submit that. I think it's a
damn good idea.

I'm just a little paranoid. That's all.

So am I the only person who is mondo excited about Sex in
the City being on TBS? I know that's random and girly, BUT
I LOVE IT! Granted, it is the clean, censored, not so great
version, but I still enjoy it. Just not as much as I did
watching it Bubba and Nancy's place. I'm a cheesey weirdo
when it comes to tv shows like that. I can't help it,
though. I'm a big sucker for romance tv and movies,
sometimes even the corny and easily predicted kind. I like
screaming OH MY GOD YOU MORON! at the tv and hiding my face
behind a pillow because I'm embarassed for the person on
screen. It's just amusing to me. I don't watch a lot of tv
nowadays. I don't actually start watching tv until around
nine when Sex in the City comes on, then I watch Will and
Grace, then Family Guy. Then I usually find something else
productive to do for a few hours until I get tired, turn on
a cd, and fall asleep.

Last night, we rented From Hell, starring Johnny Depp and
Heather Graham :) and Schindler's List. We turned off all
the lights and sat on the couch eating low carb ben&jerry
ice cream, and watched From Hell. Michelle screamed a lot,
and made faces. I loved it. Gory movies are so great. We
didn't get a chance to watch Schindler's list, it's a three
hour movie and she had to get home right away for church.
Except when she got home she put up an away message that
said she was bored and if anyone wanted to hang out then to
call her. I was a little sad but I knew she wasn't having
as good of a time as I was. I'll have to snag some more
food, turn off the lights, and watch it tonight. I've been
waiting forever to see it, and I'm really interesting in
that time period. Not so much the war itself, I'm anti-war
remember, but all the things that went on around the war.
The jews, the concentration camps, all that jazz.

My brother and I each got new cds today. I got the Yeah
Yeah Yeahs cd Fever to Tell, and Jo got Linkin Park's Live
in Texas cd. We keep trying to outplay the other. I like
Linkin Park okay, and he likes the Yeah Yeah Yeahs okay,
but it's just more fun to say HEY MY BAND IS BETTER. He
begged and begged for the cd, I was up there showing him
how to figure out how to find a cd he wanted, and I spotted
my cd on sale so I seized the op and snagged it off of the
shelf. It's a great cd. We also got a ton of stuff for my
dad for father's day which is amazing because it's Thursday
and we're already done with his shopping. Usually it's
Saturday night and we're scurrying around trying to think
of something for him. This year, we got him some pretty
good stuff. I'd say we made up for the times we got super
crappy gifts. I'm proud of us.

Three days and counting! Every day I get more excited.
I've been waiting for months for my class to start, and
it's finally almost here. My expectations are so high. I am
so scared that it's going to suck, but I'm trying to be the
optimist I'm sure is deep down there in me somewhere. It's
the perfect remedy I need for all this dumb shit I've been
forcefed. We're also trying to plan a good time for the
cabin, even though the guys are telling me it's probably
not going to happen. Which sucks, because I was looking
forward to it. However I can bring Michelle and Mary up
there and have an equally good time. Perhaps...

And we're trying to plan a vacay somewhere soon. I vote
Canada. Either Canada or Florida. Two totally different
places, but I'd be happy with either. New York would be
cool too...really really cool...but I don't want to
experience that with my family. Bless their hearts, but
they are some of the most annoying people in the world. I'd
prefer going with a friend, or with BubbaNanc, who are
going for the fourth of July. Which reminds me, what am I
doing for the fourth? Last year I went with Margo and
Corwin downtown and watched the fireworks. Ooo ahh...Corwin
and I held hands. He had his head in my lap. Heh, that was
fun. And William and Nick were skating all over the place
and the BRSA (skateboard association, not to be confused
with the BRSA as in soccer association) found them and gave
them compliments. That was fun.

really really tired of it. I need Jon.

This was a random and horribly dumb entry, and for that I
am sorry but this is how it's going right now. Things will
pick up hopefully soon.

Lyrics for the day:

Don't hold on
Go get strong
or don't you know
there's no modern romance

Time, time is gone
it stops stops who it was
well I was wrong
it never lasts
there is no
this is no modern romance

in time, time is gone
never last stops who he was
well I was wrong
never lasts

this is no
there is no modern romance
there is no modern romance
this is no modern romance
there is no there is no

baby I'm afraid of a lot of things
but I aint scared of loving you
baby I know your afraid of a lot of things
but don't be scared of love
cause people will say all kinds of things
that don't mean a damn to me
cause all I see is what's in front of me
and thats you

well, I've been dragged all over the place
I've taken hits time just don't erase
and baby I can see you've been fucked with too
but that don't mean your loving days are through
cause people will say all kinds of things
that don't mean a damn to me
cause all I see is what's in front of me
and thats you

well I may be just a fool
but I know were just as cool
and cool kids they belong together

-"modern romance", the Yeah Yeah Yeahs...this song has no
reeal significance with my entry except that I like the
lyrics a lot and I'm listening to it at the moment
so...there it is...enjoy