Christine

Visions Of Life
2004-06-17 17:14:30 (UTC)

Letter To My Brother

Dear Rob,

Words cannot express how angry and disappointed I am with
you. When we were younger, i used to look up to you. I
thought you were someone I wanted to be like. Now I thank
God I have not turned out like you. I resent how every word
that comes out of your mouth is a lie. I cannot trust you
because you wont be honest. You get angry with me if I call
you on your lies, yet never prove that their is truth in
your words. It seems like every week I find out about more
things you lied about. I resent that you get everyone's
time and attention because you are a fuck up, yet no one
gives me the time a day because Im not an alcoholic or drug
abuser. Maybe if I were as messed up in the head as you,
people would pay attention to me and pour money my
direction. You have wasted thousands of dollars that has
been given to save your ass. That money could have been put
to much better use. I resent that you are such a self
centered bastard yet go on for hours about what a caring
and wonderful person you are. What fantasy world do you
live in? I resent that every time you get into trouble, my
whole world falls apart because for some strange reason, I
still care. I wish I didnt because my school life and
social life cant take any more beatings at your expense. I
really hate you for being stupid enough to use drugs and to
let them ruin your life yet again. I warned you about
certain things, yet you didnt listen. How does it feel to
have pawned all of your dead mother's belongings because
you needed a fix? How does it feel to know that most of her
things wound up in the dumpster because you were too fucked
up to pack things up and fullfill an obligation? Do you
just pretend these things didnt happen? If I were in your
shoes I would have already killed myself because of guilt.
Wait, you already did try to kill yourself. Was it because
of guilt or because you couldnt pawn anything else for
drugs? Even your suicide attempt was pathetic. You claim
you are some sort of genius yet you cant even cut your
wrists in the right direction. You blame all of your
problems on other people. You are 28 years old. Its time
for you to grow up and take some fucking responsibility for
your actions. You have only been out of jail for a day and
already you are blaiming me for every damn thing that has
gone on. I didnt do a damn thing yet Im accused of all
sorts of shit. I also hate that you try and blame my
husband for things which he didnt do. Do you really hate
that Im happy? Is that why you try and ruin things? I
really regret talking to the cops and having them do a
welfare check on you. Maybe it would have been better if
you just killed yourself. The only reason I called is
because I was afraid of you hurting someone else for money.
You have threatened it before. I bet you also blame me for
you going to jail instead of the hospital. Like it was my
fault you grabbed for the cop's gun. I really planned on
that happening. I wish you were still in jail where I didnt
have to worry about you. I hope you get jail time for the
felony you comitted. i bet you dont even realize that as
angry as I am, I did save your ass from more charges. I bet
you will never thank me for that. I resent that you toy
with our dads emotions just so you can use him. If you hurt
him again I swear I will kill you or make sure you spend
the rest of your pathetic life behind bars. Now onto two
petty and shallow issues I have. I am angry that you pawned
Steve and I's wedding gift. Im sure you will deny it but it
is no longer in your apartment. I also resent that my
birthday is ruined because of you. If you were in jail I
could enjoy both father's day and my birthday, but because
I have to deal with you, I will be miserable. My dad cant
take me anywhere because he spent all of his money on
bailing you out. All of his money goes to you for some
reason. You need help and until you are receiving it, I
want nothing to do with you. I have given you so many
chances and you fail me every time. I am sick of it. You
have lost someone who does truly love you and a long time
ago would have done anything for you. I have lost a brother.