Goodnight, Starlight.

Michele
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2004-06-16 12:09:20 (UTC)

June 15th

Hello. Last night i had written a fairly nice entry in my
diary, on looseleaf, turned out to be a full page, front
and back. So i thought id just write it up in here for
somethin to do.


"Hello. 8 more days of school! =) Si great. Its just so
weird, ya know? When you start in september, you think its
gonna be so long till summer break. but when summer break
comes, the school year went by so fast. Amazing really.
Science test the day after tomorrow (Thursday). I know
most of the stuff...Kind of. Need to be studying, not
writing in here. Oh well.
I was watching the film How To Deal tonight. It somehow
got me thinkin. My feelings for paul keep changing, one day
i dont really like him, but the next day, i feel...i love
him almost. But thats next to impossible. When the movie
was over, i was just thinkin what it would be like, if he
were here, and we could actually just hang out. I really
wonder, a lot, of what that would be like. And if it will
ever happen, like, am i ever going to get the chance to
ever meet him? My name on msn is "You'll Always Be My
Konstantine". This is ture. The "K" because, well, for some
reason, im somewhat confused about the way i feel and
because Andrew says in the song "this is because i can
spell konfusion with a "k" and i can like it" and
Constantine because, he is constant on my mind, he never
really leaves it.
I really feel as if ive failed you as a diary, because i
can never tell the way I feel. Mixed thoughts i can never
put into one, and every time i try, it comes out completly
wrong. My diary should be for me to express feelings, not
to explain things that happened during the day. Im really
trying to express feelings now, and i feel as though theyre
comming out the way i want them too, but when i go read
this over, its all wrong.
When i look back at all the great convos paul and i had,
it really makes me sad, because we just..dont talk much
anymore. Al i have are my memories i guess. This may sound
extremly pathetic...but i think i need to let him go,
because i dont think him and i will ever meet. And if we
actually did, that would be greay, but the chances of that
happening are very slim. So I think its time for me to let
go of him. Even though i really dont want to! Hes so
fantastic. I know i hardly know him, but what i do know of
him, hes great. But theres no point in liking him anymore i
think, as far as i can see, liking him isnt bringing me
closer to him, Nothing. I think its drawing me further and
further away from him. So Nothing. No point anymore. When i
first started to like him, i really did see the point, i
thought it drew me closer to him for some reason, some oddd
reason. No, I was wrong. Anyway, i still have those few
songs that remind me of him. SOmething Corporate --
Konstantine and a few others. I think thats all the
feelings i can express for one day.
Michele Mackie
Mood - =*(


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