Joy

Pieces of Me
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2004-06-15 21:07:40 (UTC)

Exceeding My Own Expectations

(or maybe just bypassing them completely)


I've been thinkin' lately (surprise, surprise!!), and I
realized that I've turned out to be so freakin' different
from the person that I always thought I'd become that it's
almost not even funny.

But thankfully, I haven't reached that point...so it's
still somewhat amusing in an ironic kind of way....

If someone had told me in 5th grade about the person that
I would be and all I would have done and been through by
the time I hit 18, I probably would have had a heart
attack right then and there.


I mean, I used to be so...well, innocent, for one. Not
that I'm totally corrupted now, of course (because how
corrupted can you be when you're still a virgin, right?),
but I'm definitely not the sheltered little girl that I
used to be.

I used to be sooo shy, too. I'm still fairly quiet
compared to most other people, but being quiet is very
different from being shy. When I'm quiet, it just means
that I have nothing of real value to say to anyone or that
I'm busy thinking about something else. But when I was
younger, I could hardly talk to someone I didn't know
without turning red.

I also used to be happy. Really happy. I can't say that
I'm depressed right now, although I have my days (or
weeks, whatever), but I honestly cannot remember a time in
my childhood that I was unhappy or stressed out for a
substantial amount of time (say, more than 5 minutes...
lol).
Nothing bad happened to me while I was growing up aside
from getting fat, which didn't even bother me until I was
eleven... Hehe.

Then when I hit 13, everything turned around... and I
highly doubt that it's simply because I became a teenager.
LoL.

Everyone always says that you go through immense changes
in high school, and I always used to disagree, at least
when it came to me (because I was going to be different,
WAHOO)... but so much for that, apparently.

I don't think high school actually has anything to do with
the change. I like to think that high school, being the
pathetic, disappointing place that it is, had absolutely
no effect on my life.

I think it's just growing up. The whole experience of
learning about life and the world and becoming a more
mature person really does change who you are.
Which kind of sucks.

But that's just the way it is, I suppose. C'est la vie
(haha, witness my mad french-speaking skills!).

Anyway... even though I'm the opposite of the way I
expected myself to turn out, I guess I'm pretty happy with
it for the most part.

I mean... yeah, sure I hate myself....

But I'd probably hate myself even more if I was still too
shy to do something about what I want and too sheltered to
enjoy life even as it flies in my face and screws things
up. LoL.

Besides... I'm going to have a lot more fun this way (so
let that be fair warning to you all!!).



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