polyester bride

The Blue of my Oblivion
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2004-06-15 16:14:44 (UTC)

Genuine, beautiful (done with pain)

So the camping trip was called off, thanks to me, and I
still feel pretty rotten because I know that everyone was
looking forward to it and I messed it up. But we'll try to
make up for it by taking people up to the cabin in
Mississippi. It's a real log cabin, but has all the good
stuff inside, including satellite tv. There's a pool table
upstairs, and a balcony which is great to go out onto at
night. It's really pretty, and excuse my sappy-ness when I
say that the moon reflecting off of the water of the lake
is so beautiful. The lake is down the hill, the hill I
spent so much time running and rolling down. And where my
cousins and I would play soccer and baseball. Ah the
memories *tear*. And there's fishing ops at the dock, which
is a really nice place to sit and just be there for no
reason. Again it's just really really beautiful. And
there's a ton of space to just go run around and drive the
jeep. The jeep is definitely one of my favorite parts, I
love driving it over all the place. Full speed. It's the
hugest rush. Upstairs there's a bunkbed (and we found
playboys in the dresser drawers, so whoever sleeps there
will be amused all night)and a pullout sofa bed, and
downstairs there's two bedrooms. One has a queen sized bed
and it has a sliding door that leads out into this screened
in sun room type thing. There's just so much personality in
that cabin, so much history. I bet if the guys looked hard
enough, they could find some really bad baby pictures of me
lying around somewheres. I'll have to proof the place
beforehand. Anyway, overall, it's not camping on the beach,
but it'll be really really fun and so Tubesock I'm really
sorry about screwing up our trip, so let's go to the cabin
and, well, try to forget about how much you hate me for
ruining the trip. *blink blink*

Sooo I'm giving up on trying to get over the thing with
applex because I'm working on just...being me. Just not
caring what ANYONE thinks. Baby, this is me, if you don't
like it you can go shove your head in an oven. :) Yeah
that's right. Bitch. I'll get over it eventually so there's
not point in trying to force myself into it. I mean, I
believe everything happens for a reason, but I believe
there are times where you have to go out and search for
your fate. There's only one problem, and that is that I'm a
big chicken. So I have tomorrow to finish Jo's room,
Thursday to do my room, and time Friday to make the switch
before I head to Alexa's. Then either Saturday or Sunday
I'll go to get the paint and other decor necessaries to
make my new room lovely. Then Monday class starts and I
will be so so happy. I've been waiting for this forever. Ah
I can't wait. Digital Video (with digital photography and
graphics). It sounds so awesome. I really hope I'm not
disappointed when I walk in on Monday.

I'm watching the end of Miss Congeniality. It's a great
movie, and makes me want to be just like Sandra Bullock.
She is so genuine, and so beautiful. I really wish I was
like that. But acting like someone else won't help me at
all. Alas, I am me. Maybe someday I'll appreciate that
more. I am trying to be done with pain. That's part of why
I'm redoing my room. I need peace. Loooooooots of it.

Sex in the city is on. Yum.



Pain has an element of blank
It cannot recollect
When it began,
or if there were
A day when it was not.
It has no future but itself,
Its infinite realms contain
Its past, enlightened to perceive
New periods of pain

-"Pain Has an Element of Blank", Emily Dickinson

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