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2004-06-08 06:01:50 (UTC)

tears from eternity unfolding

Things seem so much colder now than they did before, and I
thought they were as cold and cruel as physically possible.

I've given up, I know I have. I don't want to do anything
anymore. I don't want to see reality, because it terrifies
me. I'm overwhelmed by everything, and as most minds work,
overwhelming oneself causes depression, and depressiong
cause the lack of desire to do anything.

I feel so terribly alone, and even though I know the
chances of someone else feeling the same as I are high, I
still feel this way. Just because someone else has felt
the same doesn't mean they can help me. And like I said, I
feel alone, so much so, that I completely distrust
everything, I don't care about anything, and I hate
everyone. There is always something that I hate about

Then what, might I ask, is the answer to all my questions?
Where is my relief? Why am I stuck, here, on this tiny
grain of sand that seems to be flying on the winds of time
so quickly, prone and apt to let me fall?

And why am I so afraid? Why am I so sensitive? Why am I so
cruel? And what makes me this way that I cannot change?
Why do I, or any other sentient being, have to suffer?
Especially if it far outweighs all the positive things
there are (if any). It may be as unfair as the black hole
of space, but it is tragic that anything needs to feel
this way.

I give up everything. I just want to sit in my fantasy
world forever and ever, drying the tears of the past and
present, and hoping the future will be dry of the floods
of the mind.

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