Joy

Pieces of Me
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2004-06-08 04:44:24 (UTC)

Water: A Primary Source of Nourishment?

Alright, I guess the title of this journal entry should be
more of a statement rather than a question.

Don't get me wrong.... I know that water has virtually
nothing in it (city water, maybe... but as a whole, no),
but I'm making it my primary source of nourishment anyway.
I read somewhere awhile ago that anorexics drink ice water
often not only because it keeps them feeling full, but
because the body burns calories warming it up before it
can be processed.

Pretty cool, huh?

So I'm going to take that little fact and apply it to me.
I feel like I've eaten a lot today, although I don't think
I really have.... Today I had two hot dogs. And some
chips. That's basically it. That's more than I usually
eat, but every day I feel like I've eaten a lot anyway,
even though I typically eat less than I did today.

I don't really want to give myself an eating disorder, but
I feel that it's necessary. Due to my genes, I have slow
metabolism and don't lose weight quite as fast as some do.
After all, it's not like I plan on eating NOTHING. I'm
going to eat a little bit for every meal so that I keep my
metabolism going.
But I just... don't want to look this way anymore.
I really do feel that it limits me and my relationships
with other people in one way or another.

I had a talk with a good friend earlier this evening, and
it... motivated me. I mean... everyone knows that no
matter how nice a person is, physical appearance and
aesthetic appeal do matter at least a little bit. This
guy's a really great person and definitely one of the
sweetest guys I've ever met, but he's not attracted to me.

And I know why.

I don't hold it against him. In fact, I'm glad he said
something. Finally someone has said what I know to be true.
My friends are always like "Oh, you're not fat
Joy." "You're so cute, you're so pretty, you've got
nothing to worry about." Yeah, right.
I can't help but think that people only say that to me
because I'm a nice person and they're worried that they'll
hurt my feelings.
I mean, I'll admit that it does hurt a little. Of course
it does. But it's the truth, after all, and isn't the
truth always better in the long run? I'd rather have the
truth than have people lie to me all the time.

But anyway...I have to change.

If he feels that way, I'm positive there are plenty of
other people out there who think the same thing.
But besides that, I hate myself anyway. I would hate
myself whether he had said anything or not.
It doesn't really have anything to do with the fact that
he said something, it's just that I now have a second
opinion that happens to correspond with my own.


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