Joy

Pieces of Me
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2004-06-07 20:31:14 (UTC)

Finally

Well, it's finally over.
I never have to go back to high school again.
That makes me very happy. LoL.

The ceremony went well. The weather held up, so we got to
have the ceremony outside, which was what pretty much
everyone was hoping for. Besides the fact that there was a
decent breeze outside, I think all the seniors were really
looking forward to throwing their caps at the end. I bet
it looked cool from the bleachers, too.

I had my after-party at 6pm. A lot more people showed up
than I was expecting. Actually... I wasn't really
expecting anyone to come except for my closest friends, so
it turned out okay. We all spent the last part of the
night around the bonfire eating s'mores and hot dogs, and
the last of everyone finally left around midnight. It was
fun, but I was definitely exhausted by the end.
What really made me happy was that Asher showed up for 45
minutes before he left for the Virgin Islands for a few
days. I thought I wouldn't care whether he came or not,
but I was really glad that he did. I realized just
yesterday while we were waiting in the auditorium to file
out to the football field that I wasn't pissed off at him
anymore. LoL. It always takes me a few days to get over
him.

Anyway, I had been thinking lately that I'm mostly over my
fear of sex/sexual things.... But I realized late last
night that that's not entirely true. Lindsey and three
other acquaintances were discussing (if you can call it
that) kinky sex, and I have to admit that it kind of got
to me. I was sitting right there next to them, but I was
trying my hardest not to pay attention to what they were
talking about because I really didn't want to hear it. I
did catch a few things though, and it proved to me that
I'm really not completely over everything.

It's very difficult for me to explain my fears and why I
have them. Most people think that my fears are totally
unjustified and have no basis... but that's not true.
There are reasons for my fears. I just don't share them.
I can't really even explain exactly what it is that I'm
afraid of... although kinky sex must fit in there
somewhere if the thought of it currently makes me a little
sick to my stomach. LoL.
Sometimes I honestly think I could use a shrink. But
getting one takes money, which my family doesn't have much
of...and it would also take a very long explanation. One
which I don't often have the energy or the balls to give.

But I'm doing okay. Time really does help things... and
I'm sure a few positive experiences would help too, but
I'm not really in any hurry to have those. LoL.

Hmm....
Does anyone remember the chick group 'Dream'?
Well... they sure got dirty. LoL.
Nothing better than a dirty Dream, I guess....
Haha, okay, that was corny.
I'm done now.


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