little goth gurl

without wings, i fall
2004-06-05 23:30:47 (UTC)

they'll never hurt you like i do...

if i close my eyes will it go away? if i lay down and die
would it make any difference? would anyone besides billy
even care? and even now i question if he would care. i
mean he's better off without me. i'm a bitch. all i do is
hurt him., last night was bad. wow thats an understatment.
it was fucking terrible at the least and it was all my
fault., but at least i got everything out on the table
right? bleh, why does it matter? i just hate the fighting,
about everything. i'm already at constant war with myself
and now i'm at constant war with billy.

i feel like i've fallen apart. i barely know myself how is
he to know me? i'm going to be there with you until the
end you say as you stroke her long blonde hair., caress
her body and wonder about life without her, without this.
thinking about the happier times, but were they happier or
just lies? what is this? who are you now? can you promise
me to smile when i tell you i love you? can you fake it
one more moment for my satisfaction? i want to love you,
but i'm too afraid to let go, scared to lose you scared to
lose what we had...wishing i could curl up with you and
nobody else in the world., but how can i do that when
i've hurt you so much.

they say when one person is raped once or constantly they
begin to see themselves as a "sex machine" go out and
prostitute themselves, or never let anyone hurt them
again. they like to feel in control to ensure it will
never happen again. i saw the movie monster, well half of
it i couldn't keep watching it i had to turn it off, i was
bawling., it was just really really sad. hmmmm...i wonder
why? but yeah.,

i wish i had control...of anything...and so i will go,
trying to survive another night, trying to survive the
blade sinking deep into my flesh. trying not to cry. i
love you and i'm sorry. this is the end for now.

linz




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