showing through

days and days
2004-06-04 04:48:35 (UTC)

mirrors

A day filled with too many close calls... too many moments
when all i wanted to do was break things, scream and cry.

I've rediscovered the fact that I absolutely despise
shopping. stress levels shoot through the roof and I
collapse completely.

I hate it. genuinely.

So much self-loathing. hatred. deep, deep resentment for
who i am. all in one day I shot from not really caring
about myself, to hating myself. and I can't pull it out of
my mind. it seems inescapable.

something I have always struggled with... but today was not
a good day in that respect. and I'd like to close my eyes
and wake up feeling good... I hope this feeling doesn't
last.

----

On a more possitive note, Montreal is tomorrow and I can't
help but to be excited. minus my throbbing stomach that
seems to hate me as well... but yes. drinking, gay bars,
weed, hotels... fun stuff! haha... oh, and maybe i'll run
into Dawn. I have her number but i doubt I'll call...
----


with exams sitting on the corner of my mind, I find it hard
to let loose completely... but once we board that bus I'm
sure it'll all go to hell. in a good way... i hope.
highness with her is always a pleasure:) something to look
forward to.




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