polyester bride

The Blue of my Oblivion
2004-06-04 02:16:24 (UTC)

maybe everything does happen for a reason

Lately I've wanted to stand on my chair and howl into the
wind, "WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?" Ya know? Why me? Then
something tells me, "Well, why not you?" and it makes
sense. I am not special. My breakup means nothing to anyone
but me, and I should keep it to myself. After our fight
last night, all I could do was scream and cry. I had no
place to go. So I crawled into my brother's bed (he was
snoring on the couch)and screamed my throat raw into a
pillow. "Why?" was all I could ask myself. The rain knocked
at the window, but consistant enough it didn't bother me at
all. I just sat there and watched some water drip from the
leaky ceiling, and I started singing to myself. Dorky, yes,
but it's comforting. Except it reminded me of the time my
parents forgot to pick me up from soccer practice and I was
left standing in the rain. I was shivering from the frosty
wet and I started to sing, "rain rain go away..." and he
found me there in the mud, put his arms around me, kissed
me, and ran away as my mom drove up. It made me sad, but
happy that I had nine months worth of great memories of us
being together. And that's when it hit me that maybe
everything does happen for a reason. There was no more
magic between us, and neither of us could stand it. He
ended it just in time. It's my fault that I didn't
appreciate to the fullest extent what I had, while I had
it. I will next time. He likes Tess now, and I'm working on
accepting it. A tiny buzz stings the back of my brain every
time I try to think about it, but that buzz will go away
eventually. I just want everyone to be happy. At least
we're talking again, like friends, like we used to so many
months ago. I know that I still have feelings for him, and
that he cannot return them, but I know that everything is
going to be all right.

I'm going to catch Harry Potter at midnight tonight with a
bunch of people. It's going to be great. It will be a
wonderful movie, and I love spending time with my friends.
Granted there will be awkward moments, but all I have to do
is smile and know that my heart won't stop beating if we
never get back together.

------------------------------------------------------------

lyric of the day:

"Now don't it always seem to go that you don't know what
you've got 'til it's gone..." - Big Yellow Taxi, originally
by Joni Mitchell and now covered by The Counting Crows and
that Carlton chick


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