Belle Morte

Nothing Special
2004-06-03 07:38:32 (UTC)

i am optimus prime

i wonder what if feels like to die. I mean, u'd think after
a while ur body would just..... go numb from shock or
whatever, and it wouldn't hurt anymore. but at first, i'm
sure it would hurt a helluva lot. So ur last thought
wouldn't be ow. maybe its like that so the mind can have a
moment of clarity before it goes wherever it is going. or
maybe i'm talking out my asscause i have no idea what its
like to die. I bet it hurts like hell the whole time, that
its pure agony, and all you can think about is how much you
want to live. wtf do i kno? i waste so much time thinkign
about the many posibilities for the universe, and i can
never kno if any of them are true. theres no proof. theres
no way to measure any of it. it has absolutely no purpose
at all, because it gets me no closer to the truth in any
form. its like watching tv or going online, only ultimately
its even MORE useless because at the time i think i'm
actually accomplishing something. Thats how i want to die.
i want to delude myself to death, just thinking and
thinking and thinking until the possibities become too
great and i loose my mind. won't be long after that that
i'll accidentally fall off a cliff, or walk into oncoming
traffic, or forget to eat or sleep for monthes on end, and
freeze to death on a park bench one night. ah yes, what a
noble thought. To perish because of my mind, because it
cannot hold the infinity that i am dying to comprehend.
dying to comprehend! hahaha. i made a funny. funny ol'
world, innit? one that i can never comprehend. thats
horribly depressing. i want to kno all the answers; f
someone could tell me the mysteries of the universe in a
way i could comprehend before i died, i would gladly lay
down my life in the next milisecond, for that one moment of
clarity. but alas, it will not happen. its not meant to
happen. humans are not supposed to know, damn it, and that
angers me. then again, everything does these days. i
thought philosophy was my safehaven. so much for THAT....




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