jen

Too Much to Say
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2004-06-01 21:33:44 (UTC)

and...breathe...

it's funny how fickle i am. i went to bed last night
frustrated about everything that presently existed in my
life: the musical, relationships, my job...i felt like i
had a million problems all of the sudden! i tossed and
turned begging my brain to SHUT THE HELL UP!!! begging god
to give me some sense of peace. and now after a productive
day at work i found that peace. it's amazing how fleeting
some trials are and how quickly god can fix things if
you'll just give them over to him. because i am so good at
NOT stressing myself out, when i do get stressed i don't
know what to do with it. it freaks me out! the same with
sadness or depression. i believe that my greatest
spiritual strength is faith and trust. it's usually very
easy for me to believe that god is ultimately in control of
everything and will work situations all out for my own good
(whether in this life or the next). and perhaps this is
just a result of my distaste for taking responsibility for
myself. regardless, it's such a great feeling to know he's
incontrol--because god won't ever screw it up. however,
sometimes i forget (like last night) ...or i try to use my
human brain to figure out god's plan, why he's doing what
he's doing. i can't jump ahead of god, i must live in the
now and blindly follow where he'll lead.
i've hardly eaten anything today, too busy. i
definitely need some food. i was going to work out...maybe
tomorrow.


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