The Blue of my Oblivion
my "i'm taking a break from my vacation" kind of lounge
i'm doing okay. i took a day today to just relax and
reflect. i've stayed in a tshirt and underpants all day,
and my hair is an absolute rat's nest. my face is oily and
disgusting, and i am draped in a ratty ass old blanket. i
have gotten up to eat and brush my teeth and all that, but
other than those, i've been on the couch watching vh1. it's
not a depressing kind of lounge, it's just an, "i'm taking
a day off from my vacation" kind of lounge. does that make
we're probably going over to megan and her family's house
later on. the cool thing about her family is that her
parents and my parents get along great, megan and i get
along great, and our little brothers, though a year apart,
get along great. their house is always a riot, and we
usually end up staying the whole night. people get drunk,
we're having too much fun, there's always some sort of
excuse. they never seem unhappy to let us stay.
i was thinking about the breakup, what caused it. we just
had so little in common. we come from totally different
worlds, and why some people, i.e. my parents, can make it
work, we just couldn't. i tried blaming myself for writing
all that crap about being ignored and everything. i tried
to make myself seem like the bad guy, and say he was just
doing what he had to do. but none of that is really true.
he did ignore me and i did hate it. i don't mean that he is
the real bad guy in the situation. there is no bad guy, we
both just have some things to work out. who knows? he may
come back. maybe not. ha. but lord knows i am very open
minded, and ready for another challenge any day.
not to mention i have that photography class coming up.
hmm? something interesting there? i could find a sort of
dark horse, like me. a nonchalant victorian. who knows?
only time will tell.
that's all for now, i should really get up and shower, put
on some pants, and get fabulous [insert carson from queer
eye's voice] for casa de megan.
lyric of today:
Bows and flows of angel hair and ice cream castles in the
And feather canyons everywhere, I've looked at cloud that
But now they only block the sun, they rain and snow on
So many things I would have done but clouds got in my way.
I've looked at clouds from both sides now,
From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions I recall.
I really don't know clouds at all.
Moons and junes and ferris wheels, the dizzy dancing way
As every fairy tale comes real; I've looked at love that
But now it's just another show. you leave 'em laughing when
And if you care, don't let them know, don't give yourself
I've looked at love from both sides now,
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall.
I really don't know love at all.
Tears and fears and feeling proud to say "I love you" right
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds, I've looked at life
But now old friends are acting strange, they shake their
heads, they say
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day.
I've looked at life from both sides now,
From win and lose, and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall.
I really don't know life at all.
-Joni Mitchell, "Both Sides Now"