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2004-05-30 06:39:26 (UTC)

hmmm wonder what this entry's gonna be about.

after comming home this morning, well, almost afternoon.
had his friend joe w/ him.. after being angry for almost
an hour, i told him to take his friend and go play they're
stupid computer games at his house. he told me to "fuck
off, im entertaining a guest." i have absolutely no
control over what goes on in my home. he can come and go
as he pleases, eat the food i cook for my daughter. sleep
in my bed when he's 'tired.' ( in the middle of the day)
he's run to olivehurst at least three times today, all for
the same person. i have to twist his arm to go out and
get butter so i can cook dinner, and even then he goes to
the convenience store at the corner and pays three times
what he should... i look at him every day and hate him a
little more. earlier today, i realised that im not as
afraid of him taking rinnie as i thought.. if i'm such
an 'unfit' mother, then why in the hell does he leave her
with me all the time?? why is it so easy for him to take
off for days at a time, knowing im at home w/ her the
whole time??? i know i'm not unfit!!! HE IS!!!!! the
only people he brings around here anymore are tweekers.
half of them spunt out when they show up. keep the
fucking trash away from my apartment!!!!! i know what i
need to do to resolve this... i wish i had the courage
to just do it and get it over with.. it's going to happen
eventually, why prolong it?? anyway, he left here a
little before 9pm, hasnt returned yet, and it's a little
after 11:30pm. that normally wouldnt bother me, except
for the fact that he's done this all day.. taking off
for 'a few minutes' comming back hours later.

"somebody get me out of here, im tearing at myself.
nobody gives a damn about me or anybody else..." ~~~
not being dramatic, but this song's been going through my
head all fucking day n last night. seems fitting.


it's sunday, just a few minutes after 3pm. he still hasnt
come home.. i havent seen him since last night. i was
told he was seen in the complex a few different times,
over in one of the other parking lots. i'm going to stay
away from home for a few days, not sure if i'll have
nething ta write about. well, unless someone calls me up
and tells me something new.

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