polyester bride

The Blue of my Oblivion
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2004-05-30 04:38:28 (UTC)

life of a single girl - part 2

it sucks. still. but at least this time i believe, or at
least i want to believe, that it's all for the best. i
don't really have a clue what i'm going to do now, but mis
amigos y amigas are there for me. i know they are.

i haven't freaked out yet. i cried a little bit, then
jumped on the trampoline for old time's sake, and came back
inside and cried a little more. i don't think there's a
chance he'll realize he broke it off with the most
wonderful girl in the world again.

a lot of people are asking me if i'm okay. i will be. it's
going to take me a little while to get over the initial
shock. i haven't been single for a while (not counting the
other day...) and i'm exactly sure what to do with my
newfound freedom. i'm going to try with all of my might
not to ball up on the couch, wear the same clothes for
days, and survive on nothing but ice cream. i have to keep
going for myself, keep on with the training and jeez, I WAS
STARTING TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF AGAIN! YOU ARE A CRUEL
CRUEL GOD!!!!!!!!!!! (tahe says that's bad for my
karma...haha)

the crappiest part is going to be hearing songs we liked on
the radio, and reading about that damn couple who named
their kid apple, and people asking me about it. woo therapy
is going to be a RIOT on wednesday. i was doing so well,
too. i was feeling on top of the world today, glad that
we'd kind of worked out our problems. i passed the rows of
magazines with the dude from coldplay holding his baby,
apple, and passed the teaching books with little apples on
them, and all that. my heart was getting all hot chocolatey
warm again, knowing when i got home i'd have my country man
to talk to. it's just not quite real to me yet. that moment
hasn't come yet. the scary part is: i know it will soon. i
dunno if i'm ready for that....

he just logged off of instant messenger. it was weird,
no "i love you, bye". i had to just sort of whisper it to
myself. and now i'm crying. i think i just got my wakeup
call.


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