polyester bride

The Blue of my Oblivion
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2004-05-29 04:32:53 (UTC)

boo hiss

i just got back from bubba and nancy's where we had dinner
and laughs in honor of my brother's birthday. it would have
been more fun for everyone had the narcissistic birthday
boy not been there, trying to show off and make everyone
laugh. he was playing with all of bubba's toys, which got
annoying for all of us. bub and nanc gave him a bopit, so
he spent a while in the back playing with it while the rest
of us sat up front and told dirty jokes, etc. then the old
folks droned about how "beautiful" i'm getting and frankly,
though it's flattering, it gets annoying. i hate people
fussing over me. and eventually we ate cake (so so good,
chocolate with raspberry filling. yum.) and i went in the
back and watched will and grace. i love hanging out with
them, they're a lot of fun to be around. bubba promised to
take me shopping for a dress for erica's wedding, which
should be fun. we haven't gotten to spend any time together
in a long time. he said he'd try to get me into appollo,
which would be oh so cool. he still wants to see my dress
anyway, especially after my mom has told the entire world
about it.

i saw 'the day after tomorrow' today. normally i love jake
gyllenhaal, but oy. i'm not into disaster movies,
especially the overdramatic ones that are like, "SAM HOLD
ON! JUST HOLD ON A LITTLE LONGER! I WILL COME AND FIND YOU!
I PROMISE! DO YOU HEAR ME? I WILL COME GET YOU!" i laughed
the whole way through. cheesey movies make me do that. i
can't help it. it felt a little weird to have 'his' arm
around me again, especially after our recent fiasco. at
least we've talked about everything we needed to. even if
it only lasts a little while longer, at least we got
everything out that we needed to say. i do wish a little
bit i'd told him no. we both have things to work out with
ourselves, we both have some growing up to do. but i was
really afraid that if i let him go i wasn't going to get
him back. we'll see. warped tour is pretty much out of the
question. sky is still begging me to go, but the details
are so vague, and i kind of need to know what the plan is.
not to mention the apple factor. though it would be great
for my career as a photographer, it might not be worth
losing the greatest guy in the world. mush mush. i'd
probably throw up if i read that in someone else's diary.
i'm not being a hypocrite! i'm seeing the best of both
sides :)

it's only eleven thirty, but i have nothing to do. there's
nothing good on tv, i have nowhere to go, and everyone is
with someone else. i hate when friends of mine are together
and they call or instant message me to rub it in my face
that they're together and having a way better time than i
am. and you know, great! they're having a good time. i want
them to have a good time. but i'm feeling really left out,
and getting pretty damn annoyed/hurt by everything. now i'm
just sounding like a whiney baby. boo hiss. i'm not a
narcissistic drama queen, i promise.

well that's it for now, i suppose. there's not much left to
say. there have been no breakthroughs today. lo siento.
this is just my deposit of emotion, there is no newsworthy
interesting shit. just an account of what i did. yawn, i
know. c'est la vie.

good night.


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