misanthropeerin

Just a little me
2004-05-28 16:53:53 (UTC)

Wizard of Freeman

Veronica’s brunette pigtails swayed in the breeze as she
concentrated on hitting the tennis ball. Her racket connected with
the yellow sphere and sent it over the net. She wiped the sweat
from her brow as she uncapped her Evian water. It was just
another day of tennis practice at Godwin High School, nothing to
be considered extraordinary. But the wind began to blow in strong
gusts, and drama soon ensued.
The other members of the tennis team had gone into the locker
room to shower and discuss the upcoming match. Veronica did not
have any real friends on the team that she felt close with. She
decided to practice her backhand awhile longer. The wind’s
strength almost knocked Veronica over as she waited for the ball
to be spat from the dispenser. She hoped it wasn’t another
hurricane. During Isabel there was no power. She did not want to
live without her microwave and hairdryer for another week. The
wind interrupted her thoughts. In one swift swoop Veronica was
swept upwards. Her racket dropped to the earth below along with
her tennis shoes. Shortly after, her socks were sucked off by the
strong current; her pigtails were loosened, allowing her hair to flap
freely in the gusts of wind.
The strange wind had a pungent smell of pears. Veronica was
intoxicated and the scent forced her into a deep sleep. The wind
carried her away from Godwin and the confines of Pump Road.
Plop! Veronica’s bottom hit the pavement of an unfamiliar road.
She rubbed her eyes, trying to wipe away the lethargic feeling.
Peering around, her surroundings offered her no comfort. “Where
am I?” she asked of no one in particular. The road was cracked
and pot holes marred its surface. Dead shrubs lined the edge and
the small houses seemed abandoned. Veronica had no clue
where she was.
A small man wearing a kilt popped out from behind a decaying
mailbox. He was so short that Veronica had not seen him behind
the rotting wood with its raised red flag. “Who are you, little girl?”
The midget asked while inspecting her.
“I am Veronica. Where? Who? What? Why? I’m so confused.
Please tell me the meaning of all this?” She questioned with
impatience.
“There is no need for attitude now, Veronica. I am Dunkin the
midget warlock. But I’m a good warlock. You are in the No School
Zone. The dropouts live here,” Dunkin replied with a tone of
superiority.
“The who?” Veronica asked.
“The dropouts. They are the children that do no finish school. I
was sent from the Land of Blue and Gray to watch over them. My
boss, Wizard Pruden thought I was too small to do any good in the
Land of Blue and Gray. I am the Head Honcho around here!
Shows him!” Dunkin responded.
Veronica knew Dunkin had a short man complex. Despite the fact
that he wore a kilt, he seemed fairly intelligent. She decided to ask
him for assistance. Before she was able to speak, a strange nerd
with glasses and a short sleeved dress shirt jumped out from
behind a hedge.
“Molar mass! Q-U-I-Z!” The strange man shouted as he crept from
hedge to hedge.
“O no! It’s Alberti, the mad scientist. He escaped from the Land of
Blue and Gray many years ago. He is a great threat to all the
dropouts. His knowledge is too much for them,” Dunkin shouted
with fear.
Veronica was frightened by the strange man and decide to protect
Dunkin. She snuck up behind Alberti and knocked him to the
ground. She reached into his pocket protector and stole an ink
pen. The ink squirted all over him and Alberti began to shake.
“Mmmmmmmmolar mass Mmmm!” Alberti’s voice trailed off as he
turned into a pile of dust.
“Wow! That was amazing,” Dunkin said as he clapped his minute
hands to express his glee.
“But I killed him,” Veronica quivered.
“And that, little girl, makes you a hero. Look, his periodic table
survived. You may keep it,” Dunkin replied.
“Well gee thanks, Dunkin. It’s just what I’ve always wanted. I need
to get home. I don’t care about the mass of titanium or the atomic
number of lead,” Veronica snapped.
“Well since you killed Alberti I’m sure that Pruden the Wizard of
Freeman will help you. He rules over the Land of the Blue and
Gray. Just follow Three Chopt Road and you will find him.”
“Thanks!” Veronica shouted as she sprinted away. She couldn’t
wait to get out of the dismal No School Zone. What a gross place
she thought. The Land of Blue and Gray had to be much better. But
nothing was better than Godwin. How she missed her home
school.
Veronica was famished. Her last meal was at lunch and her
stomach began to growl as the day darkened into dusk. A
teenager leaned against a stop sign aside Three Chopt Road.
Veronica was intrigued by his chiseled features and nonchalant
expression. She slowed her gate to get a thorough glance at him.
Phish was blaring out of the boy’s radio that rested at his bare
feet. He wore a Grateful Dead shirt and tattered jeans. A hemp
necklace decorated his neck. Scruffy blond hair hung into his eyes,
but glimpses of green flashed through. His nose was dotted with
freckles and his lips mouthed the words off beat.
“Excuse me, do you know the way to the Land of Blue and Gray?”
Veronica asked as she twirled her hair around her finger.
“Dude, what are you talkin’ ‘bout?” the guy asked in a confused
manner.
“There was a tornado or something at Godwin and these weird
midget told me to go to the Land of the Blue and Gray. He said that
this Pruden man would help me get back home,” Veronica
explained.
“Word. Dude, I go to Godwin too. But who wants to go back to
school? I just want my bong, man,” The guy said.
“Really, I’ve never seen you. My name is Veronica. Who are you”?
She asked.
“Uh, I’m McArthur. I just need my bong. Would this wizardy dude
help me get it,” McArthur said.
“Sure. Let’s get started. It’s almost night,” Veronica prompted.
Veronica was glad to have a companion to travel with. McArthur
didn’t seem like he had a 4.0 GPA like 90% of Godwin students,
but he seemed charming in his own way. He was a different type of
stoner than the usual Godwin druggie. Veronica sighed and began
to dream about a future with McArthur.
The two traveled along Three Chopt Road in silence. Veronica
worried what her parents would think. She usually came straight
home after tennis practice. She didn’t want her mother and father
to think she was a bad kid. Veronica’s head filled with worry and
guilt.
“So um when are we going to get there?” McArthur’s question
interrupted Veronica’s thoughts.
“I don’t know. I’m scared. I think we are lost,” Veronica whined.
“Dude I’m freakin’. I need some herb to chill me out, but I don’t
have my bong. This sucks, man,” McArthur replied.
An unfamiliar voice from behind chimed in, “I don’t think that is
legal.”
McArthur turned around. “Dude, who asked you?”
“Well, I do not believe anyone questioned me directly. But, I have
the right to feel safe when strolling on the sidewalks of my county,”
the boy said intellectually.
“I’ve seen you before. Aren’t you one of the band geeks?”
Veronica asked jokingly.
“I don’t believe that is the proper nomenclature, Miss Watson. I,
David, prefer to call myself a musician and participant in the
Godwin Marching Band. Alas, in that turbulent weather I lost my
dearest friend, my deeply treasured mellophone,” David said with
a sigh.
“Dude, at least you didn’t lose your bong. Mellophone, man just
use a cell phone,” McArthur added his inane comment.
“Miss Watson, could you offer a reasonable solution to my
dilemma?” David asked.
“Gosh, I’m not sure. McArthur and I are going to see the Wizard of
Freeman. You are welcome to come along. I’m sure he has a
spare mellophone,” Veronica said with feigned sincerity.
“I hope that I am able to tolerate the shenanigans of this McArthur
fellow,” David said.
“To the Wizard!” Veronica chimed as the three headed down
Three Chopt Road.
The dark night curled around the city, coating the street with its
shadows and sprinkling of stars. Veronica was too scared and
weary to travel any further. The group agreed to rest for the night.
Veronica wasted no time resting her head on McArthur’s shoulder
as her eyelids closed. David distanced himself from the two and
decided to keep a vigil. However, the night owls and their chorus
of coos soon put him to sleep as well.
The wheels of a school bus skidded on the road. A horn honked
several times. “Move!” Shouted the driver of the vehicle. He put his
foot on the gas pedal and sped up, well aware of David’s
comatose body in the street.
“Dude! Wake up! Some crazy man with a beard is about to hit you
in his bus!” McArthur shouted as he pulled David’s thin body out of
the road.
“My deepest thanks are owed to you, McArthur. That man surely is
not certified. My, what a nut!” David said still a bit startled.
The door to the bus opened and a short man with dark curly hair
and a gray speckled beard exited the bus. He was wearing a
wrinkled suit and brown loafers. He yelled at the trio while
advancing towards them. “I am Captain Isaac of the
Cheesewagon. How dare you cross my path, you sick monkey!”
“RUN!!!” Veronica belted.
“Wait, I believe we can outsmart this demented individual,” David
stated sensibly.
The three formed a circle and quickly discussed the plan of action.
Veronica would flirt with Captain Isaac and try to steal the keys to
the Cheesewagon. She would then throw them to David who
would start up the vehicle. McArthur was directed to use his lighter
to provide a small source of light.
“I’ll get you my uglies and you’re little nerd too!” Captain Isaac
maniacally yelped.
“Hello there,” Veronica said in her best Marilyn Monroe voice.
“A woman! Now this changes everything. I’m going to take you
with me. It’s about time Captain Isaac had a wife,” He said as he
snatched Veronica and scurried back to the Cheesewagon.
“Catastrophe! They took Veronica. Run, McArthur, run!” David
urged.
Captain Isaac safely stashed Veronica on the bus and stuck the
keys in the ignition. McArthur ran after the Cheesewagon and was
able to cling to the back. He lowered himself down to the back left
tire. McArthur sunk his teeth in the rubber as the spinning tire hit
his face. His teeth miraculously punctured the tire. A loud pop
sounded; the tire blew out. Captain Isaac screamed with anger.
During his rant, Veronica managed to jump out a cracked window.
She jumped onto McArthur, who toppled under the added weight.
David quickly helped the two up and they sprinted away before
Captain Isaac could figure out why the Cheesewagon had abruptly
halted.
The group decided they would trudge on in the dark; it was too
dangerous to sleep in the night, leaving themselves vulnerable to
danger. As the sun rose, they saw an ugly building with a marquee
reading Douglas Southall Freeman High School. Veronica tugged
on McArthur’s arm with excitement. ‘We’re finally here! We made
it!” She shouted.
“Dude, like this place is a piece of junk,” McArthur complained.
“It is not always fair to judge a book, or in this case, a Freeman by
its cover,” David said wisely.
“We’ve got to check it out and find the Wizard,” Veronica stated.
They walked up to the doors of Freeman and knocked. Veronica
gave three firm knocks at the door. The group waited several
moments, but no one came to the door. Finally a giant with red hair
stepped outside. “Hello. My name is Butler. How can I be of service
t you?” The tall man with red hair asked.
“We’re here to see the Wizard, sir,” Veronica said.
“Nobody can see the Wizard. Not nobody, not nohow!” Butler said
with a tone of agitation.
“But this little tiny guy, Dunkin, told me I could see the Wizard. I
need to get back to Godwin. My friends and I walked all the way
down Three Chopt Road and almost got killed by the
Cheesewagon. You must help us!” Veronica sniffled.
“Hmm. I think you’re out of look, girlie. Unless, for some reason
you have the periodic table. It’s an automatic ticket to see the
Wizard,” Butler laughed at the chance of this occurring.
“I HAVE THAT! I killed Alberti the evil scientist,” Veronica
exclaimed as she waved the table in Butler’s face.
“Welcome to Freeman, my friends. You are now able to enter the
Land of Blue and Gray. But first you must put on these sunglasses.
And don’t worry, they are approved by the dress code,” Butler said
as she handed Veronica, David, and McArthur each a pair of
sunglasses.
“Dude, everything is like blue and gray. I feel stoned, man,”
McArthur uttered.
Veronica, David, and McArthur walked through the blue halls with
gray walls. Everything around them was blue and gray. The
people had blue hair and gray clothing.
“Dude, these girls are ugly!” McArthur commented as he watched
the female students passing by.
“I do not know how much more of this I can tolerate,” David said
giving McArthur a look of annoyance.
Veronica felt lost in the strange two-colored world. She looked
around for signs of the Wizard, but to no avail. Finally on a gray
door she saw a sign reading, “The Wizard is in.” With mustered
courage she knocked.
“Go away!” Yelled a southern voice from within.
“We won’t go away. Let us in!” McArthur yelled.
With no respect for the inhabitants of the room, McArthur barged
in. David and Veronica timidly followed. The room was gigantic
and had no windows. Blue curtains lined the whole room and the
floor was made of gray glass. The ceiling was mirrored and made
for a very strange affect when anyone looked up. A bald middle
aged man with suspenders over his gray dress shirt sat behind a
desk.
“I am Pruden, the Wizard of Freeman. What do you want?” He
yelled. Pruden was very intimidating. His blind head was so shiny
that McArthur was captivated by its gleam. On his desk lay a large
book, The Code of Conduct.
“Excuse me, sir, but I was told by Dunkin that you would help me
return to Godwin. And David wants his mellophone. And McArthur
needs his bong,” Veronica replied meekly.
“I only help members of the Family. Wait, that is actually a lie. I
only help opulent Southern Baptist members of the Family, like
myself. Everyone else is just a slave in this school. Why would I
help you? That’s like asking me to stop preaching to my subjects;
it’s ridiculous,” Pruden lectured.
“Veronica, I do not think we want such a chauvinist to offer us
assistance anyway,” David said smugly.
“How dare you say anything about me! I can’t have these secrets
leaking out. Perhaps we can make a deal,” Pruden replied as the
veins in his head quivered from the scare.
“You are a horrible Wizard. You ought to be ashamed of yourself,”
Veronica scolded.
“Here is my proposition. You must recruit three members for my
Gospel Choir. It is my pride and joy here in the Land of Blue and
Gray. Bring me their voices. You must record their beautiful odes to
God and bring me the tape. And then I will show you the way back
to your precious Godwin,” Pruden said with an evil laugh.
The three left the office with a great feeling of suspicion. “Dude
this guy is a freak!” McArthur said.
“I believe he is trying to form a cult in this blue and gray school.
We must disobey him. It would be horrible to contribute to this
environment of prejudice and intolerance,” David said.
“Well we have to find some way to get home,” Veronica stated.
The three were stumped. They attempted to leave the building but
chains were around the door handles. Frustration set in. Suddenly,
a golf cart driven by a portly black man, turned sharply around the
corner.
“You tryin’ to get out?” The man asked.
“Yes! Please! The Wizard, Pruden, is so evil. He is trying to make
us join his Christian cult!” Veronica vehemently screamed.
“Once you’re in the Land of Blue and Gray, it’s almost impossible
to get out. I’ve been tryin’ for years. It’s rumored that the Wizard is
nice, but the truth is he’s more like some kind of tyrant.”
“I knew something wasn’t right about this place. Who are you
anyway?” Veronica asked.
“My name is Xavier. I used to be the Parking Lot President. This
here golf cart is my noble speed, Bessie,” Xavier said stroking the
vehicle with pride.
“Not much of a parking lot in here man,” McArthur said.
“I believe that your Bessie could break through these doors. If you
accelerate by 6.78% and cut through the 90 kPa of pressure, I
think it would be feasible,” David said as he did air calculations.
“I’m not real sure I understand that but let’s give her a go!” Xavier
said as he climbed into the driver’s seat. Veronica, McArthur and
David boarded the golf cart and clung to each other tightly as
Xavier’s foot made contact with the gas pedal. The golf cart took off
and Xavier didn’t slow down when they reached the chained
doors. With a loud crash they broke through the doors and sped off
on the streets.
“I want my bong. I thought that’s why we came here,” McArthur
words came out slowly due to his confusion.
“I’m not the Wizard, but I can help,” Xavier said as he reached into
a black duffel bag sitting on the floor of the golf cart. He rummaged
around for several minutes and then produced a large hookah. “I
borrowed this from a girl, Alice. She comes from a real messed up
place too. Pruden’s ex-wife is the queen over there,” Xavier said.
“Dude! This is the ultimate toking device! I am like so honored.
Xavier you are sweeter than my Mary Jane brownies! Thanks!”
McArthur empathetically thanked him.
“I do not presume your bag contains anything that would resemble
a mellophone,” David said hopefully.
“I might, but I thought you wanted my help. David, I don’t think you
get many ladies. How about I give you this electric guitar. It’s got
more sex appeal than your mellophone ever will,” Xavier said.
“O my goodness! I do believe that would be quite out of character
for me. But in life, one must act as a chameleon and change his
coat every now and then. The mellophone will always hold a place
in my heart, but perhaps this loud instrument of the rock gods will
also inspire me,” David said as he ran his fingers along the
fingerboard of the guitar.
“Well I guess it’s time to take you home to Godwin. Think your
school needs a Parking Lot President?” Xavier asked.
“I’m sure we’d love to have you. Now on to Pump Road!” Veronica
shouted.
Veronica rubbed her forehead; it was throbbing. She looked
around at the court. It was littered in tennis balls. The machine
must have been left on. She realized that the influx of balls had
knocked her out. What a strange dream she had. She had been to
a strange place where everything was blue and gray. And she had
even met two very different boys. She decided to go take a shower
to wake herself up. The dream seemed so real. As she left the
courts, a periodic table fell out of her pocket.




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