2004-05-28 08:53:27 (UTC)

what i feel

its like, suddenly it doesnt matter, what the yankee score
was, and it doesnt matter the shit that ive been worrying
about, and nothing matters really, except that he;ll be ok

cause really, my whole thing is true, once i love i dont
ever stop. in my heart, in my heatt, ive always loved him
and never stopped its just the way i am.

and ive never gotten the love back ive never gotten the
love back ive never gotten any ANY ANY NOTHING of the love

any of it

he considers me one of his best friends , yes. he does .
but in my world its not like that. but in his, his world,.
its always been that im one of his best friends , ive been
his most faithful friend. i always saw this potential in
him. i always loved him. i still do ., love him.

i do. he can still break my heart,. not as much as before,
not nearly, as much as before. but now . thinking about
him being involved in any kind of military war like place,
makes me want to break down and cry. i pretend all is good
for me. but its not. inside im breaking, breaking and
crying and outside im trying to make him laugh and laugh
with him and trying to let him know he can tal k with me.
almost what, 8 years we are friends and he still doesnt
want me as a friend, even at the time he most needs one

yta know what ?
i dont care
i need to be myself
i need NEED to show him how much i care, how much i love
him. i dont want anyone, chris OR kevintodicrate what i

i love so many people and i guess its part of my nature to
love what i cant have.

why? why rita and maya and not me?
am i that.... uncomfortnable



them and not me
while im just the one that cares