Meaningless Worries of Mine
Ad 2:
Try a new drinks recipe site
2004-05-27 21:32:40 (UTC)

Sibling rivalry can be a bitch with the same name as your sister

Weight: Probably about 200lbs with the new added weight
of 2 parking tickets mailed home, an old medical bill that
should have been paid ages ago that has suddenly
resurfaced to make my life miserable, the daily drama of
moving back home, and I have about $1.52 on me, in
change. At least that is not adding on to my current
Cigarettes: 4 so far, which is pretty good considering its
past 5pm
The amount of times I want to rip my hair out considering
that another country is ready for an attack in the United
States: I have a bald spot going.
Times I’ve thought about referring to OneLifeToLive
as “The Dale” in honor of his love for The Donald: 2
Times Tester (my sister) and I have talked about our
incident from last night: 0

I was thinking about what to write on this journal
as I was stuck in traffic on the way to my sister’s
apartment and the only thing that could come into my mind
was the fight that we got into last night. Basic
summary: Tester wanted me to go watch the Pistons game
with her as a double date with a guy she met a few weeks
ago and I just didn’t feel like being the 3rd wheel that
night. We had about $80 on us, our money, not hers, not
mine, ours and after I left her apartment, I realized that
I didn’t have any money on me to go and play pool with The
Dale so I went back upstairs. Tester didn’t open the
door. She didn’t give me money. She claimed that I
needed to “learn my lesson” about ditching her. So, like
an idiot, I sat outside of her apartment door, watched her
walk out and drive off to this guy’s house, while leaving
me on a Wednesday night at 10pm without a dime. She even
wouldn't let me come into her apartment to grab bottles I
could have deposited to get probably a whopping $6 on me
on this wonderful Wednesday evening at 10pm. I feel bad
because I called The Dale crying, probably sounding like
an idiot, and bitched some more about how much I hate my
sister sometimes, as we had been talking about earlier
that afternoon. So, later on after the game, she and I
met at the bar we normally go to on Wednesday nights and
carried on like everything was okay. I was being
particularly quiet and she had the audacity to ask me why
I was being so quiet. Whatever. So…here we are today.
We haven’t talked about it. I went back to my parents
house and cashed in my vase filled with pennies and dimes
because I needed gas in my car and came up with a whopping
$12.39. Oh, joy. And here I am, sitting about 2 feet
away from her, thinking the nastiest thoughts in the world
of what I would do to her if I was allowed to torture her
for about 10 minutes. Oh, how my hands tremble at the
countless ideas passing through my head. Did I mention
that I love her with all of my heart and soul? Did I also
mention that I would give my arms and legs and my life, if
necessary, all in the name of Tester? Ah, sibling
marriage, it’s a bitch.
It’s kind of scary with the reality of moving back
home, how much I’m comforted by moving back home. No more
will I have to hear about how I am indebted to Tester
because I don’t pay rent to stay at her place. No more
will I have to hear that I have to be home at a certain
time because Tester doesn’t like where I’m going or who
I'm going out with, but insists its because she wants to
go to bed early. No more will I have to hear about how I
should wash the dishes a little more, even though I hardly
eat a damn thing in this place, let alone on a dish. No
more will I have to search in the deepest and darkest
corners of her room for my clothing because since its not
her clothes, she just stuffs them wherever they fit while
she’s cleaning. No more will I have to hear her bitch
about how I have consistently refused to go to a club for
about 4 years now and be accused of being close minded.
And, finally, no more will I have to live, breathe, eat,
and sleep whatever Tester wants “our” schedule to be. I
know I should bitch about it and do the things that I want
to do, but it’s a bit complicated. See, in my household,
in my parent’s eyes, she is the good daughter. She is the
one that will probably make something out of herself
because she’s the darling daughter that never smoked or
came home with a barbell through her tongue. I realize
that I may have done some crazy, unacceptable things in my
lifetime, but isn’t that what being a child, a teenager is
all about?? Anyways, Tester always has the upper hand.
I love my sister to death. She is my best friend
and my worst enemy. She insists on being the motherly
figure that I claim constantly to death that I do not need
in my lifetime from her. Although I appreciate her
listening to me on my bad days or bad moments, I don’t
appreciate the specific criticism. I love the Thursday
nights that Tester and I sit and watch ER, Scrubs, and the
Apprentice together and laugh our asses off at little
inside jokes that we’ve obtained throughout the years. I
love the nights when Tester and I go to 5th Avenue and
flirt side by side with our friends, the bartenders, or
when we play pool till 2 in the morning and then decide to
crash at Coney Island to get some pancakes, just because
we can. Our best days are when we have $20 between us and
find a way to make about 5 hours of amusement with each
other. You may be thinking that this costs us about $4 an
hour, but, in actuality, these times are priceless. We
know practically everything about each other, and I used
to think that it was a great thing. Here is someone that
knows everything about me and can give me a great opinion
on what I should do, say, whatever, but now I highly
disagree. Sometimes all you really need at any given
moment in time is just someone to listen. I wish that I
could tell Tester that yes, you may know my actions or
what I may likely do within a certain situation, but what
I feel sad in confessing is that I really don’t feel like
you know me…and maybe I really don’t know you. I’m sorry,
but the truth hurts, and maybe you shouldn't shove that in
my face all of the time.

Digital Ocean
Providing developers and businesses with a reliable, easy-to-use cloud computing platform of virtual servers (Droplets), object storage ( Spaces), and more.