Blueys

Living With Bi-Polar & BPD...
2004-05-27 04:32:16 (UTC)

After midnight.....

Home from work.
Read the Paper.
Work was fine.
My boss is aware of the importance of the end of the week
for me, and that it has been difficult for me this week.
I'm grieving the loss of my Dad.
Apparently I didn't do that last year when he killed
himself.
I'm not surprised given the circumstances.
I miss him.
I miss his brown eyes that relayed their pain to me.
I miss the way he would tease someone in a rare moment of
carefree feelings.
I miss the way he would turn up his mouth in bitterness
when he spoke ~ even tho I disagreed with what he said and
felt.
I miss the way he loved animals tho he didn't want anyone
else to see that he did.
I miss the way he would just stop in and visit.
I just miss him.
I miss him loving me.
I loved the man he used to be.
I loved the man he could have been.
I hated that he didn't try to be the father I deserved.
I never understood his lack of trust in those around him.
I will never know his last thoughts or his final needs.
I wish he could just tell me something, just one thing.
So that I could reassure him that I love him still and
always will. I understand that his pain is ended ~
finally.


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