The Apple

Fresh Words
Ad 2:
2004-05-26 03:32:25 (UTC)

5.25.04 Feelin' Like Writing

Yo, this is my second "entry" today. Nice place for venting
here, ya know?
today I kinda went around asking people questions
about their mortality. "You scared of death?" "What are
your fears?" "Do you know where you're going when you
die?", existential questions. And I thought about it...am I
scared of death? I don't know, I don't think I care. At
least not right now. My cousin Eddie always tells me I have
these bogus mood swings...so really there are like two
Alix's...one is kinda cake and a little insecure, and the
other me is pompous, scared of nothing, and doesnt care
about anything. It's been my goal to kinda merge my
emotional split into one solid Alix, but it's very close to
impossible. I mean there must be a reason for the way I'm
kinda two people, but I don't know what. Some emotional
stronghold, perhaps? I'd like to find out, cause people who
know me on the surface either think im this really secure
guy who's...like...cavalier, or they think I'm a guy who
always needs a hug. It's kind of a disaster. Only those who
know me really well are those who know that I got this
split...there's only like 3 people. I mean, if you heard
the range of adjectives used to describe me, and how so
many are antonyms, youd be stunned. "too
serious" "hilarious" "arrogant" "outgoing" "quiet"....dag.
And I can really say that neither Alix is the real me. I
dont know what I am. They say high school is a place for
self-discovery, and so I guess I'm failing. I knew who I
was better freshman year, when I at least had one
consistent personna day in and day out. Now, though, it's
kind of sloppy. Maybe this is how split personalities
start. Well at least I know it's coming.
One Up


Ad:2