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University is over and I have started working agen, its
trugh on my legs. For more then three weeks all I did was
lying on the couch reading and now I have to stand on my
feet and work! But if feels good to move my body agen, do
other things than just thinking.
Im not sure I wrote enugh about Chris, I went to see him
at his work three times and we sendt some messages, bnut
we have not have contact in a while.
I want to stay in touch with him, but I know I cant. Tommy
would not let me, and I hate to hide things from him, so
Im pushing away a person who I really want to saty in
Now I realise how stupid that kissing thing was, I should
have never told Tommy, but I should not have let Chris
kiss me eather...
I regret the whole thing, now more than ever before. I
should not have hurt Tommy that way, afther all I love him.
About the love thing, I havent said it to Tommy once this
month. I wanted it to be a test to see if he says it
before me. So far he has said it twice, in a
sentece, "just because Im leaving dossnt mean I dont love
you" It was a kind of joke, he was going to work, but Im
all right with bouth, he leaving me for work and saying I
love you in a sentence.
But its a nother type of I love you than the one I want..
Im gonna give it more time so see if it eventually comes.
We`re going great at the moment and I dont want to mess
things up.. But I think about it, why cant he say it, its
been six months.. One of the reasons I dont ask him, is
that Im afraid he`s gonna tell me that he loves me then,
and the it wont mean a thing for me cause I had to cry for
it. I want him to say it, and I want it to come from his
heart, without me asking for it first.