neverthesame

forever changing
2004-05-25 01:14:01 (UTC)

thoughts of mike and college

right now i am really just all in all worn out. i have been
having school as usuall but now i have water polo on
tuesdays adn thursdays adn theni have been working
wednesday adn then eight hours on sat and sun so i am
getting really tiered not to mention mike is constantly
wanting to hang out and be with me which is not a bad thing
but i am just getting sick of always having to be
somewhere, right now i want to be nowhere. but since thta
is not going ot work for me i will be here now adn just
deal with things as they come. ealier mike and i were
talkingabout what would happen after highschool and i said
that i was goin gto a 4 year right after graduation and he
got all pissy saying that i was trying to make him falow me
where i went and that i was being selfish adn not thinking
about us and how what i do might screw us up adn i was
trying to tell him that i do care what happens between us
but right now i do not know what will happen and that
possibly we will end up staying together adn it will work
out but the bottom line is that i want to go to a four year
right out of hight school and i am going to becasue that is
what i want to do. but he keeps making it sould like i
don't care about what he needs adn i do but at the same
time i am goin gto be selfish when it comes to my education
becasue i want o to do this and i think that it will be
good for me but ya know what ever happens happens adn if we
cannot survive me going to college then it was never ment
to be. there are many obsticles that will arise and this
will be a difficult one but if we are going to be together
for ever then a year or so at college will not be that big
of a deal and he says that he is insecure about me being
that far away but you know what . . . it is something that
we will have to deal with when the time comes adn i really
hope that it does not come down to us breaking up becasue
we could not deal to live that far apart or some crap like
that. i just know that i want ot get out of this town and
go to college but if i do not go when i get out of
highschool i am afraid that i will end up like joe.
dropping out to have a job i don't like in nevada county i
want to leave and this is my chance.