Blueys

Living With Bi-Polar & BPD...
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2004-05-24 01:55:40 (UTC)

ex-husband tif....

Today was a good day and a bad day.....
The ex-husband and I were slinging it today... Yes, a
Lesbian and an ex-husband, all in one life. ha ha hee hee

I married Donald, a preachers son, when I was a sr. in
high school, 17, and we were married for 23 years. No
children involved. Just 5 doggies that we loved dearly.
He has two of them and I have three. I got the house and
he got the business. He thinks I screwed him and I KNOW
he screwed me. I kept my vows and he didn't. Simple as
that, right? Not likely.

I was terribly ill and undiagnosed for many many years and
Donald was the butt of much of my anger which just got
worse over the years. Eventually he stopped loving me and
started hating me. One day he found the kahounas to tell
me. That day I made appointments with the therapist,
Psychiatrist, joined Weight Watchers, and plugged in to my
marriage the best way I could. It didn't work, but that
was ok. Medically treated, 100 pounds later, I knew who I
was and that I had been living a lie for many years.
Donald had by than revealed the other woman that he
thought he had been hiding and we headed for divorce
court. We kept things simple, dividing everything up
ourselves. The lawyers got next to nothing, which pissed
them off!! ha ha

90 days later, I was a free woman and he was remarried.
Shell went from being my best friend to my partner. I was
in bliss and finally knew the difference between loving
somebody to being in love with somebody. It was
absolutely amazing to me...
I had thought I knew everything about this crazy world. I
had been wrong. :) :)

There was little anger on my end because Donald had broken
his vows as I was very aware of how much I had hurt him
over the years of being undiagnosed and in such dysphoria
much of the time. I understood he was in a struggle to
save himself and I knew that he was a good man at heart. I
treated him as such. In return he was as gracious with me
as he could be considering the news I was ladeling on him
with my new discovery. The both of us could look back and
see little things that were clues to this end for me.

In any case, we threw some "hash" today and tonight sent
some emails to smooth things over. I still do his
bookkeeping and sometimes that can get a little hairy for
the both of us. It was just one of those times. :)

I'm a bit sensitive with my fathers first anniversary of
suicide coming up in five days. Actually it is
overwhelming me.


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