Visions Of Life
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2004-05-20 13:24:41 (UTC)

On My Own

Sometimes I think I am a bad person because I take delight
in the suffering of people who have hurt me. I long for
their "perfect" worlds to come undone.

I think I am the only woman who has said "that diamond is
too big"

Physical therapy went well last night. i only have 3 or 4
sessions left. Im still proud because I can swim and my
neck is finally strong enough to do a partial situp. These
things seem small but after the months of agony, they make
me very proud.

Speaking of being proud, my family is finally proud of me.
It warms my heart because for years I felt like such a fuck
up. I cant wait until graduation day, though I have 3 years
or so left. Then its off to get my masters. I plan on being
in school for years because I love learning so much.

Last night was rough. Some nights the urge to harm myself
is bad. I spent most of the night after PT reading, but
once I was alone in the bedroom, the urge came over me. I
didnt do anything. I rarely do. i just wish that these
thoughts would go away. I am mostly happy. The only stress
I have is my job. I need someone to talk to who will give
me real and unbiased advice. I can think of only one
person, but I never know how long it will be till I hear
from again. I guess I'm on my own in this case.

P.S.- Does anyone still read this? If so, send me a comment