Blueys

Living With Bi-Polar & BPD...
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2004-05-19 15:39:41 (UTC)

such as it is....

my life such as it is....
well, actually it sucks a lot of the time. It would suck
all of the time if it weren't for Shell, my partner. I've
often wondered how she has put up with my shit ~ even the
stuff I couldn't help, due to my mental illness ~ and upon
asking her, she very simply says "I love you" or "It
wasn't an option".

Shell is one of those people that are rare to find.
Morality, commitment and honesty are the most important
things in life to her. She lives by those things and will
die by those things. The people who taught her those
things are still alive and Catholic by faith. Shell
herself has walked away from the Catholic faith and the
nuns, being too much of a questioner for them to take!
Her family accepts her relationship with me without
conversing about it. They love her too much and enjoy
seeing her happy for the first time in her life to make an
issue of it.

The moment I knew who & what I was, I stood proud, no
shame, and went to my family immediately and individually,
sharing with them my newfound joy. Most were surprised, a
few knew who it was and some were slack-jawed. All took
it in stride and warmly welcomed Shell as an addition to
the family. Others smiled for my sake and said nothing.
There were very few of those and they were mostly
relatives that live far away and I don't see them often at
all. My sister is also a "sister", so my family were
already broken in, so to speak. I am bolder than my
sister, which makes her worry about me. I don't worry
about what other people think although I consider the
improprieties of being in public.

Today I feel relaxed and comfortable as we are just back
from vacation in GA., and I am not yet back to work. I
lost my job of 18 years in Accounting/Buying in January,
2004. I still hold 24 hours a week at a local hospital as
a unit clerk and I like it very much. I am collecting
u/c and feel a bit guilty about it, yet it is the first
time in my life that I have done so and feel that I
deserve it. It is also giving me the chance to take a
break and possibly get some retraining in another field.

So today is a good day ~ because I am off !!!! It's a play
day. No nightmares last night and I slept 6.5 hours
without waking up, another success.

More on the nightmares another entry.
Good Day.


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