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2004-05-19 00:10:14 (UTC)


This is my first time ever writing in a diary/journal. I
don't think that it's weird for guys to have them. We have
feelings and thoughts that can't be expressed. I'm 17. I am
gay. I am having lots of troubles thinking about how to
come out to my family. My aunt came out this year, but
she's been in prison for the most part. Everyone thinks
that she's a lesbian because she's been in prison, but I
believe it when I hear that she's said she was one before
she went into prison.

All my friends who are gay or lesbian have had hard
times coming out. I hope that doesn't happen to me. What
really pisses me off is that a guy I was friends with when
I was younger was accidently forced out, then about 1 month
later he has a boyfriend. The good part is that they look
like brothers, so that cheers me up. It's really gross. He
knows that people are saying these things, but looks the
other way. I am jealous that he got a boyfriend before I
did! I guess my time will come when it does.

Over the past 3 year, I've had the biggest crush and
admiration for a guy who I think is straight. I know
nothing will happen, but I can't help what I feel. I've
tried to forget him and move on, but that doesn't make any
difference. A bigger problem is that there is a guy, who I
kissed (not the first guy I kissed) two years ago, and I
haven't talked to him since. I think about him all the
time. I talk to his friends too, but they never say
anything about him. The last I heard was that he is wearing
braces, which is not at all a big deal. I can't think of
any way to talk to him. I miss A so much!

It's my second to last semester in high school. I
graduate this year, but I'm going back because I need to
improve my grades. I don't know why, but I'm not sad that
everyone is leaving. I know that I will miss everyone, but
that doesn't mean that it's the end.