2004-05-17 02:14:52 (UTC)

things have been worse.

this is why i spend at least an hour writing at least one
entry in at least one journal every day.

because when i take the time to look back and read it, it
helps me see things a little more clearly.

like i forget. that things have been much, much worse than
they are right now. i forget about months where i would
start crying 10 times a day over nothing. i forget about
weeks spent laying in bed crying and cutting and drinking
completely alone.

i may not have her, but i have people who mean a lot to me
and are keeping me afloat.

things have been worse.

maybe im tired, waking up at 6 every morning and sweating
my ass off doing danelles work for her while she sits on
her lazy ass in the airconditioning. but im not at don
pablos in that goofy fucking outfit SMILING at people or at
marriott getting bitched out every night. im making some
really cool signs and learning some cool shit and making
decent money.

maybe im in severe pain 4 days out of a week, and getting
no sleep because of it and maybe theres a chance i'll never
have a baby. but theres still a small chance that i will.
and i could have worse health problems, right.

maybe things fell apart with matthew again. but he's still
around, wanting to be around, whatever... and that's better
than crying waiting for him to call when he never did.

maybe she doesnt want to be with me. well. i cant see the
silver fucking lining in that one.

so i guess that leaves me with nothing but to go to bed.