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2004-05-17 01:53:09 (UTC)

Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them

I opened today. Tim came over and talked to me for about 30
min bc he doesn't have a key to gold star. it was fun
talking to him, but hard to listen to him talk about going
to coconut joes, just because i knew he was there to look
for girls. that kinda hurts. but yea.. i just talked to him
because i have something on my mind for a good 2 months or
so. OK, this is it: Raf and Tim called me a few times to
see if i wanted to drink with them, and i did. well, we are
all cuddly when we do, but Tim took it to another level.
The times we drank, he had kissed me. I didn't know what to
think. I knew there was alcohol involved, and it could have
just been because he wanted to kiss someone. But after
worrying about it for a long time, i finally had the balls
to ask him about it. And he said he did it for "memories".
wow, if i could have those memories back, i would be in
heaven. but i messed up, what else is new? I should have
known better, but it hurts so much to see him day in and
day out and pretend like i dont care. well, sitting here
crying about it all, isn't exactly "not caring". and what
else really sucks, im losing him at the end of this summer,
he is going to college, and even though we aren't on a good
term, like hang out all the time, i wont get to see him,
ever, or talk to him. life f'ing sucks


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