Angelic One

Sorry for My Mistakes
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2004-05-17 00:36:18 (UTC)

We Shall Meet Again

Tonight is the first night in three months I am going to
have to be around all those people I am no longer friends
with. I plan on being entirely fucked up while I'm around
them and I know Bryan will be there to distract me, but I
know how hard its going to be and I am not looking forward
to it. It's Shannie's birthday and I have no problem
seeing them and being cordial I just hope for their sake
they don't try to talk to me. I can say hello and pretend
like I wanna be there but I can't pretend I am their
friend. I told Shannie, that I have no problem seeing
them for her birthday and then never seeing them again for
as long as I live.
Shannie is the only person I can believe in anymore.
Everyone else has turned on me or stabbed me in the back
in one way or another. The fact that I almost betrayed
her last month still haunts me. I couldn't have forgiven
myself if I lost her friendship because of my own Fuck-
up. It is her birthday and I will be there for her
because I love her and I want to share this with her. I
feel like such a bad friend because I can't afford a gift,
but as long as she knows how much I care and appreciate
her, I think she'll forgive my lack of a birthday gift.
Bryan knows who they are and he knows what they did to me,
so he is not really happy about having to meet them, and
he knows how hard its going to be for me to be around
them. Its gonna hurt to see them, its gonna remind me of
how they made me feel, and I don't wanna be reminded of
that. They hurt me so much more than I thought I could be
hurt. Then again, I'll have Bryan with me and it seems
that whenever I'm with him nothing else matters. I love
him so much, he makes everything in my life better. Last
nite he got into a fight with one of his friends who
called me a bitch, and told him never to disrespect his
girl like that again. They haven't really talked since
because Bryan is so mad. Nobody has ever stood up for me
before and it feels so good to know he loves me that
much. I woke up this morning and he just whispered to me
that he missed me, I looked at him and said, while i was
sleeping? and he nodded... oh my god we are so
disgusting together. I tried to tell him that not all of
the people in his life are going to like me, and I'm okay
with that. He said he's not okay with it because he wants
everyone to be able to see me the way he does, and love me
as much as he does. I wish I could tell everyone how much
I love Bryan but I know that nobody would believe it, and
they'd think I am crazy. But I know that I am crazy to
think that he's the one for me so soon, but I feel it... I
know we are meant to be together.