Kitten with Claws 2003

A Place to Sharpen my Claws
2004-05-16 16:19:37 (UTC)

The Despair of Loss

My Marine doesn't love me, at least not like I love him. Though I suppose it is hard to love someone you don't understand. This is the main problem with me I think, I am hard to understand, I don't communicate my feelings in the best way so people misinterpret and misunderstand me. He is seeing someone else, and I'm trying to. I'm trying to move on to another, but I still love him so much that I find myself crying at night wishing I could just talk to him again. But he doesn't want to talk to me, he doesn't love me anymore. It was so grand to have someone to plan a future with. We had names picked out for the children, ideas for the house we would have together, even which side of the bed we would sleep on. I guess that wasn't enough. Maybe I was just pushing more commitment than he was willing to accept. He wanted to be able to live and enjoy life, and I just wanted to settle down finally. Its hard to release something that felt like it fit so perfectly, even when it made me cry myself to sleep every night. He doesn't know how many tears I shed for him, how much hurt I put up with and push aside for him. I never felt such hate and love at the same time. I loved him so much, but disliked the person he had become. Perhaps it is better this way, at least now he can find someone to make him really happy, the way I could not. I hope you do find the perfect person for you Josh. I love you still, but my love isn't enough. It probably never was. You will always be the one that got too close to my heart.
I suppose I'll try the casual game now, it is no where near as fulfilling as true love is, but it will have to do for now. Well, I have things to do and people to see. Farewell.




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