Belle Morte

Nothing Special
2004-05-15 07:48:49 (UTC)

borderline

i've been reading up on it quite a lot. it sounds exactly
like me. i'm scared. i don't wanna be labeled and
impossible patient, blamed for my problems, get passed off
from person to person for the rest of my life. i don't want
any of it. i just...... i don't know. i just realized that
i'm absolutely terrified at the idea of a therepist. fun.
i'm fucking pissed, i want to be NORMAL. thats all. just,
be able to function and have relationships. but i can', i
just can't, i always find some way to screw it up. after
all its what i'm good at. fucking borderline, i'm tired of
all this. i wanna get through one day without my mood
changing like 10 billion times. one day without semi-
alienating someone, or driving myself nuts, or doing
something REALLY DUMB. but i can't, i can't and i don't kno
why this is like torture, and i'm doing it to myself, its
all my fucking fault. why can't i be normal? this isn't
normal. this is pure insanity. and it would be really
ironic if i wasn't borderline at all. except at this point
i don't see how i can't be. which is a very borderline way
of thinking ny the way. why the fuck do i do this?? why why
why why why can't i let any of this go? aw, fuck it, i'll
prolly be happy again in a few hours anyways. altho i can't
realistically see that. because i'm fucking borderline.
FUCK.




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