eidolon

the trade ...

"...relaxing and resigning myself to this sweet
torture...a torture I'd never trade for anything save your
hands grazing my skin in physical truth."

I'm sure this quote will read as many things to many
people. I doubt any of them will understand what is
actually being said here as it is taken out of context.

For the first time in the many years that I've known and
trusted this person, I doubt not something this dear
friend has said that I then examine in retrospect, but
something actually said at the exact moment it is
expressed.

It's not even doubt... I simply don't believe it. Not for
a single solitary moment. Not even a little.

Is it because over the last few weeks I have been
repeatedly hurt by them, a hurt I know is most likely
unintentional but still present? Or is it actually a
sensed untruth... an outright lie?

I think, in fact I would venture to say that I
KnoW, they would trade my touch upon their
life for a certain other's illusion and lies. An
illusion believed to be reality and lies accepted as
truths.

With each passing hour, of each passing day... this
knowledge is proven to me again... and again... and again.
Like salt ground over and over into an infected wound.

I could put a stop to it... to this. I don't understand
why I haven't... why I don't. I know I should pull away
and yet I can't seem to bring myself to.