forever

I Love you Cliff, forever
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2004-05-14 10:54:42 (UTC)

Friday, 14th May 2004

Trouble with Ex-BF here doesn't help me. I am more against
men i think. Yeah. I see no reason to look for another man
again, they are all just shit. They lie, use you and push
you under their thumb. So are men in real. Cliff isn't
better. He lies. He had lie to me near 3 years, gave me
hopes, to get him, to see him, but nothing happened. No, he
kicked my ass and said, he never loved me. All Chat messages
and emails show, that he did say, that he loves me and i
should better believe him. But why did he said this ? Why ?
Didn't he believe me this ? For what is trust, if others
don't respect trust and love ? For what ? For what is living
good, if u always get negatives back ?!
Cliff is only a very sweet "asshole" and i could never
resist him. Maybe that's why he used me like shit. Sex is
absolutly tabu for me now. I don't need to shave me or
pleasure myself anymore and i don't want it anymore. It's
dirty. And i see, how far it brought me: trust a lier !!!! A
canadian lier which use woman just to get his fun. He never
was interested in, to find someone for love. He just wanted
to have his fun.

I will change my life completly. No one will ever be welcome
here and especially never in my new home ! I don't want see
or hear from anyone again. I want to be alone, for the rest
of my life. I will build an altar, in memory to my love
Cliff Clark. I still love this fucking dude, and no one and
nothing will ever change this.

Benny is sad, that Cliff's reactions are so bad. He also
believed Cliff and wanted to see and know him. First he made
as happy, with wrong hopes and then he kicks us away. I have
enough from men and their lies. Stay where you are and don't
come in my near ! That's a warning to all men ! But not for
Cliff. He could come everytime back to me, he is always
welcome in my home, any time and always. I wish i could kick
his ass too like he did with me and Benny. No way. Love is
stronger. :(


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