tbqb12

my stupid mouth
2004-05-12 22:52:11 (UTC)

they won't let me out

yesterday and today have felt like one wicked long day all
melded (is that a word?) together. the meeting last night
went alright except that we forgot to pick up extra
collection envelopes. i felt slightly more organized after
that, but the events of this morning made me change my mind
on that. we went to dunkin' donuts for iced lattes (and
lindsay, in a fit of laughter, accidentally spit whipped
cream all over me, which was quite possibly the funniest
thing thathas ever happened when we've been out somewhere
together) after the meeting, but mine made me feel sick for
the rest of the night, so much so that i couldn't
concentrate on my calculus at all. i think the extreme
heat had something to do with it, too.

i couldn't fall asleep last night. i remember still being
awake at 12:30, over an hour after i initially tried to go
to bed. then i kept waking up periodically throughout the
night after that. i woke up feeling like i hadn't slept at
all. i left early for school so that i could make some
copies in the library, and the evil librarian blamed me for
using the copy machine for something "not for school"
and "unimportant" when there was a teacher who needed to
use it. the thing was, i had gotten than before she had,
so it's not like i was trying to do anything wrong. so i
made my copies and rushed off to french without ever going
to my locker. i found some kids from french who are doing
the relay and set them up with stuff to sell the "stars."
later i realized that i never went to the caf, where other
kids probably had gathered so that they could help, too. i
hope they're not mad.

it took forever to collect money, and i didn't have an
envelope to put it all in, so i had to stick all the loose
cash in a little bag...*sigh* and then i asked to go to my
locker and rushed back to class. luckily, all the seniors
were called down to an assembly. i needed to rest. i
needed to sit. i hadn't stopped running since i had gotten
up.

the assembly was an annual one for seniors during which the
local police and fire departments put on a mock car crash.
kids from our grade play the roles of the kids involved in
the accident complete with fake blood and everything. most
of them did a pretty good job. one girl wasn't very
believable, but i'm very critical...oh, and they even
hooked us up with a life flight helicopter that landed on
the football field. but here's the part that i never
understand. people were crying. one girl even passed out
and them emts had to really put her on a stretcher and in
an ambulance. but it's weird because, while i know that
this stuff really does happen and i know that i would be
very upset if it did, i didn't cry or come even close. i
didn't get choked up or nervous or upset at all. it was
hard for me to see (can i grow just 5 mor inches,
please...), but i still knew what was happening. i feel
like some people are trying to cry, trying to be sad about
it. i know that's the case sometimes. i heard people
saying that that was true. they just want the attention.
i'm not an unfeeling, unemotional person. like ashley and
i were saying afterwards, we're both too logical to be
moved by it because we know it's not real. and it's stupid
for other people who do get emotional to make the logical
ones feel badly for not being upset. not that they try
to...it's just that, in general, you're perceived as being
uncaring if you're not moved by it. i heard kids saying
this changed their lives, and the i heard kids
saying, "this would never happen to me," so i guess i'm
somewhere in between. i know i won't drink and drive but
that's because i won't drink to begin with, but i know that
it still could happen to me. seeing this sin't going to
make me a driver who obeys all the rules. it just didn't
have that effect on me.

great, now watch something horrible happen...


i pretty much collapsed when i got home. i read a few
pages of a book i rented from the library, and then i took
a 3 hour nap. i feel so much better now, but i have a ton
of homework to do. and i really want to get it all done.
i feel so much more calm when i've completed everything.




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