confessions of a never ceasing mind
2004-05-11 03:17:29 (UTC)

a dangerous mind is one bored

music is a balm, a mood enhancer, a language, a reminder, a
style, and many things rolled into one word. Listening to
the haunting melodies, I lay on my back, starig at the
ceiling, feelings more in nuetral, calmer, relaxed. when
it is a say like this, I get rather bored, and my mind
tends to wander....the only real way to get it out is to
write about it, but I warn you you are about to jump into
the mind that never ceases....the mind at rest is a
dangerous thing.....are you ready? then hold your nose and

I was thinking about the cruciable and thoughts began to
occur to me.....thoughts I have not had before about the
leading character, abigail. Most people see her as this
horrible witch hunter with a temper. Perhaps this is true,
but somehow I think there is another side to her. (if you
do nto understand, don't worry about it....I tend to think
unlike most...analysing everything to a fault....drives
most nuts)
Imagine if you can the period for the story....early
settler days. Girls were sheltered, and made to be
subserviant to their elders and the members of the opposite
sex. One such girl is sheltered to a fault, because her
uncle just happens to be the minister of the town and
therefore his family is under more scrutiny, so this family
feels more pressure than most. This girl is young,
impressionable, sheltered, and under more pressure to be
a "good" girl than most in the town as is her cousin (she
however I am sure or I think anyway the book is not very
open about this, but she may have been made to feel as
though she was being taken in with family hospitality, a
problem that they put up with perhaps (oh and btw there
truly was a woman during the actual trails this does have
some historical basis) and felt even more pressure but who
this young woman becomes the victim of rape (it never truly
discusses this in detail, but from what I gather, it
was...but she may have liked her employer at least a little)
when tragic events happen like that, stockholm syndrome can
happen (although most assume it is only for victims of
kidnapping a way, so too is rape, you are holding
one against their will *shrugs*) she developed an affinity
for the man, and mistook it to be undying love rather than
the unfortunate incident it was. She was shortly
thereafter fired form her position as a maid. She
developed a grudge for that and in truth, it was not truly
her fault. The wife made sure that no one else would hire
her and she became rather bitter about it, blaming the
woman for all of her troubles. Then she was put in a
position of power, the power of life and death in her
hands...for one so young, it was heady, like a strong
drink. She saw a way to end her problems with the death of
one woman.
let's recap,
she has possible stockholm syndrome depending on how you
look at it, or insanity one
she has a grudge
and she is suddenly thrust into a position of power
she is far too young for such a position and does not know
how to control her anger
she sees a way to end her problems
she is suddenly respected and admired and feared
dangerous combonation no?
She was a highly intellegent young girl and manipulated the
wooed town to her bidding. However the town was partially
at fault, the town gave her the power over them, it was a
time fo fear and chaos, misunderstanding and resentment, on
the verge of biblical hysteria at all times. It only took
one girl to topple it. Once the girl had power which was
willingly given, she took it and used it, as any human
being would. (the books parallel at the time, the red scare
illistrated this point well, how one who is offered power
will take it, but once you take the power back, it is
easily done. ) the town eventually stripped the power back
and restored order as we all are aware.
So as you can tell, although the girl was very wrong in
judgement, she is not the only one to blame in this
massacre, I think she is not the cruel woman that most see
her as, but a girl with too much power, partially if not
completly mad, and little understanding of ramifications of
her actions.
I do hope my thoughts are entertaining, and correct about
the events, but remember it has been a bit since I have
read the cruciable, rather odd how it popped
into my head *laughs* my mind is a dangerous place to tread
when I allow it to drift no? The thought patterns of a
never ceasing mind can be quite entertaining every once in
a while. However I do tend to think outside of the normal
spectrum, known affectionatly as a "box" it is rather
lonely at times, considering you are alone most of the time
in your thinking.
Now another one of the topics in my mind.....
a gentleman that I am not sure of. He gives very mixed
signals, telling me he cares, but sometimes he is not
effective at showing it, that I can understand, btu
sometimes he seems rather distant, and the fact that he
tends to talk about us and then something comes up,
something always comes up. gives me mixed signal reception.
He is halfway reliable and when he knows I need him, he is
there, but the other part of the time, he is not there all
the time, he is sometimes, don't get me wrong, but still.

this last topic may seem a bit off, but it is of import to
me. Most would say leave him, but over the course of time
that I have known him, I have developed feelings for him,
ones that I have never is rather alien to me.
I feel out of my depth and league. This odd feeling and
the ones of the feelings being alien to me makes me more
than a little wary I will put it that way, perhaps that
could be why I am getting the mixed signals....that I am
not sure of. I suppose time will tell either way