showing through

days and days
2004-05-11 03:06:10 (UTC)

wasting my hours

The past few days have been far too busy and my lack of
ability to write creatively, and how i actually feel has
been at an all-time low. and therefore i did not attempt to
update.

I bet you're looking for the little red x and the big red
arrow with the words YOU ARE HERE


I've been crushed with news that should not affect me. how
does that work?... I don't even know her name and i cried.
i see the house and my heart sinks deeper. something about
what they had made me believe there's hope for things to
work out between people... this just proves that things
never work out. and i thouroughly believe it. moreso now
than ever. so few people seem to be happy. and either I'm
realizing that everyone feels the same things, or that
happiness is just unattainable. either way. it fucking
sucks.


----Lick your own wounds, anxious for the next one----


I've been building skyscrapers waiting for my own personal
plane to come crashing into it. honestly... i guess i've
lost the hope i once had. behind ever hope stands a barrier
of awaiting disappointement. and i can't push it away.

Relentlessness is my friend, and I shall embrace it...

----------

feeling beyond useless right now. guitar seems appealing
but i think it's too late. and i'm sick of trying to
entertain myself by keeping busy. tonight is a night i
should just sleep. but I will just lie in bed for hours...
thinking far too much... probably end up crying.. and right
now, that's not something that appeals to me...

Call me crazy, but i'd like to enjoy my homework-free
night. for once.


I have something to look forward to. and without that I am
sure this week would feel like someone dragging me by the
teeth attached to a cement truck moving as slowly as
possibly over glass shards... and just like that.


tonight it takes a bit too much effort to smile. i think
i'll resort to looking at hotels again. bah.


---------------------------------------


there's a bathroom in the gas station and I have locked
myself in it to think




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