Twisted_pain111

Somewhat of a Life
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2004-05-10 22:48:06 (UTC)

The end finally arrives

Well, what do you know. Long trip to oregon this past
weekend. Went a friends funeral. Hurt so bad looking at him
laying there. I will miss that dude so much.. I decided to
drive by my ex's house. So far we have been having a
shitload of probs, she will not forigve me or anything.
she says she doesnt hate me but All she shows me is hate.
She treats me like shit and i take it for some reason..
Well maybe cuz i deserve it. I was 15 minutes awa from her
yesterday. It hurt so bad when she said she made her
decicion only cuz i promised her i wont see her or bother
her...i let her make the first move. but she totaly blammed
everything on me yesterday. It hurt me so bad, specially
how she was just ignoring me and how she based her choice
only cuz i wasnt there in person. That truly shows how
much love she has....none for me...but lots for herself..I
was a fool to think someone would love me back..I gave so
much love to her to show her I was a changed man and that i
was worth it again...But she dissapeared with great anger
and while she was at it...she hurt me badly..I just hope
she never understands...i hope she doesnt because if she
does shes gonna see how bad she hurt me and how much i
meant everything i said...i went by her house last night
one more time to look at her, even though i didnt see her,
i felt her...i said i love u outloud..and drove off...she
doesnt even believe me i went there..but thats her..shes so
stuck on herself and only what she says is true to
her..thats her flaw...but i will alwyas know how much i
loved that girl ad how much i gave up for her...today im
here, missed worked cz i just got home a few hours ago.
planning to go to school later because school is all i have
left. and i beter not let that down . I gota rebuild my
life alone now. I know and she knows damn well that i
would of loved to build a life with her with happines and
love.. but she didnt see it that way, better yet, she
showed me she didnt want that with me. I hope weherever she
goes and whoever shes with, that they make her happy. even
though great jelousy comes over me, but then again, i wont
ever know and i hope i never will know if she gets with
someone. I will stick shift my life alone till i hopefully
meet someone whos is willing and worth of even half the
love i gave that girl..For somereason, people tell me "
youll find a girl soon, and you know the new ones always
make you forget the old ones that hurt you" well that
sounds so out of this world, specially since i thought i
met my true love. I dont know who would be capable of
doing that because wha ti felt was immence love for that
girl. today, now, I gota wake up, i have to stop loving
someone that will never love me back , no matter how much
effort, tears, and bloood i put infront of her to show her.
I hopefuly get through this. And hopefully I dont die of
sadness or something. I need a love, i need love to
survive. I know this becase i felt it once and it brought
great joy... I need to go get ready now though, thanks for
listening dark page , Ill get back to you when ever i have
the chance once more-Im out--Later


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