eidolon

shifting mists
2004-05-10 17:44:59 (UTC)

faded image ...

I know who is more addicting...
I know who is more desirable...
I know who is more interesting...
I know who is more brilliant...

It is not me.

Hey now, all you sinners
Put your lights on, put your lights on
Hey now, all you lovers
Put your lights on, put your lights on

Hey now, all you killers
Put your lights on, put your lights on
Hey now, all you children
Leave your lights on
You better leave your lights on

I have never competed with her, I have never thought to
nor wanted to nor cared to. Yet it has become more and
more clear with time that she is in competition with me.
Still... this is not something I desire to pursue.

Whether it's that I cannot or will not fight her, it still
boils down to the same thing. She must win and will,
simply because I refuse to fight.

Cause there’s a monster living under my bed
Whispering in my ear
There's an angel, with a hand on my head
She say I’ve got nothing to fear

There’s a darkness living deep in my soul
I still got a purpose to serve
So let your light shine, deep into my hole
God, don’t let me lose my nerve
Don’t let me lose my nerve

This lack of fight though does not mean I am not aware of
the comparisons made by others concerning her and I. That
I will not go into competition with her does not mean I
don't know exactly how lacking in appeal I appear when I
am stood unwillingly side by side with her for
deliberation.

Hey now, all you sinners
Put your lights on, put your lights on
Hey now, all you children
Leave your lights on
You better leave your lights on

She demands... commands attention. I do not... it is not
my way.

She can be whatever each individual wants her to be, she
can be the ideal. Not because she is but because she can
make herself to appear to be just that... the ideal. I
can be only myself, and her high polish sparkle drowns out
my own softly glowing glimmer. Very similar to the
fiberglass perfection of a brand new sports car outshines
a small, primed for paint VW bug. I am the bug, and next
to the sports car like beauty, I come up short and my
presence fades away.

Because there’s a monster living under my bed
Whispering in my ear
There's an angel, with a hand on my head
She says I’ve got nothing to fear
She says
We all shine like stars
We all shine like stars
Then we fade away

A simple, quiet, earthy beauty drowned out by her faux
shimmering glory.

I can at times be reassured that this is not true, and
upon ocassion even believe that it isn't. Being reassured
or for a time convinced of something does not make it real
or true though, it is just a soothing balm that with time
wears thin again and then... then the truth once again
emerges to stand before me.

Lyrics courtesy of the song "Put Your Lights On"
by Santana and Everlast.