theallconsumingvagina

the paint begins to splatter the wall
2004-05-05 19:42:11 (UTC)

a feathery sash tumbling the rocky carpet: it dribbled softly into bed and died in its sleep

it didn't end the way i had always expected, in a fit of
passion- some scathing words on his part, something i can't
forgive- and i just (with passion of rage condensing into a
hard stone in my belly) walk out the fucking door. Fuck
you. like clementine in eternal sunshine of the spotless
mind. spontaneous. or with some painful revelation- yeah,
i've been fucking him, sorry. but none of that. no, it had
been dragging towards a reluctant death, slowly pushing at
the weary flesh inch by inch. my apathy has finally reached
the surface, i suppose, and today when i flippantly,
unprovokedly suggested that "he start looking for someone
better" as i headed in to take (ahem, BOMB) my final exam
(spanish), i guess he took it pretty seriously. because i
got a message from him an hour later saying "just remember
i always loved you. see you around." i had hoped it wouldnt
quite nudge over the edge until he had already moved and i
slowly i guess became immune to the lack of his presence-
easier for both. but he made the decision to finally voice
his interpretation of the whole thing- i tried to always
leave things open for interpretation, room to backtrack,
nothing ever quite final- he took the step to make it
final. i now wrestle with the strength to keep it there, be
strong and not weakly run back. fuck, he's a weight on my
ankles dragging me down but if so why the hell am i crying
right now. goddamn i'm weak. i'm emo. i'm a parody. i'm
everything i hate. but i'm so goddamn afraid to do this on
my own................................................ ujig
osamf[csd= -]po,w;EAF/




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