Cowgirl_Mom

Ramblings of a Mom
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2004-05-05 17:38:59 (UTC)

There oughtta be a test

There should be a test that a man should have to take
before they can be a father! My ex called today, and, once
again, I am angry and upset.
The conversation started innocently enough, he asked about
how Tyler was doing. Then I reminded him about this
weekend being his visitation weekend, but would be
overridden by Mother's Day rights and so he wouldn't see
him for another couple of weeks (until the next scheduled
visitation). That led into the same ole shit about how he
schedules his weekends as having Tyler every other weekend,
regardless of the court ruling. He can look at a calendar
to figure out every other weekend, but he can't just look
at the Fridays to really figure out visitation? What an
imbecile!
This leads us to him asking me questions about my
relationship with Don. Have I changed my name? (No, not
yet, but definitely a possibility soon.) Then, are you
really married, or just engaged? (Kinda both, legally
married, yes, courthouse wedding, no, not yet.) He
supposedly needed these questions answered to file his
child support payment for arrearages. I'm not so sure he
needed as much info as he asked for, but whatever, I have
nothing to hide or be ashamed of!
After this, I ask him, straight up, is he going to start
helping with Tyler's medical bills? He tells me that he
guesses that he should be helping. It is costing me $100
every two weeks for his therapy. That doesn't even count
for other bills as well. He tells me that we need to sit
down and go over what there is. I'm like WHAT??? I gave
him a package of bills and receipts months ago! Since
then, he knows that Tyler goes to counseling every two
weeks! What's the question? Well, then he starts asking
if this counseling is necessary.
I tell him about what all this little boy has to process to
be where he needs to be healthy wise. I explain to him how
everybody -- pediatrician, psychologist, counselor at
school, etc., all agree that he needs to do this. However,
if we process everything and come back to the issue of
softball coming above being a parent or husband and he
still hasn't changed, that I will have to take Tyler out of
counseling because it will not be accomplishing anything.
According to his psychologist, since it has come up that
when his Dad would vacate us and the house to go to
softball, that it is reinforcing the same feelings over and
over again when he does the same thing now with Tyler. He
gets Tyler for visitation, and vacates his responsibilities
to play softball while his son is on the playground all
day. This does not help Tyler.
He tells me that we need to sit down and talk about all of
this and not do it over the phone. I tell him to name the
date and time and place, Don will keep Tyler and we shall
meet. That I refuse to discuss this in front of Tyler
(it's not his business, nor does he need to be burdened
with the knowledge of his parents arguing over him), and
that the baby will be with me. He asks why the baby will
be there and not with Don, and I tell him that the baby
does not do well with Don, and he tells me that that is not
good, why does he not do well with him, and that Don needs
to learn to deal with him! Like he has any right!!! I
proceed to explain to him, although I shouldn't bother,
that the baby is very attached to me (he's 4 months old and
has been strictly breast-fed, never been left with anyone,
etc., so he's not one to go to anyone but his Mom for the
time being). The resolution -- baby will be there, name
the time and place!
I get off of the phone with him and I call my husband,
wanting to tell him that I did finally ask my ex, straight
up, about the money for Tyler's medical expenses. By the
time it's over, I'm on the verge of tears. I don't
understand why Mike can't just be a real man and take care
of his business. He helped to create this life and bring
him into this world, he needs to help to pay for him! I
vent for a bit, my husband tells me that Mike won't better
himself because he doesn't have to, and not to worry, we'll
just pay for things ourselves. When he realizes how upset
I am and of course I'm pulling him away from work that he
should be doing, he tells me that he's gotta go, but that I
can yell at him as much as I want when he gets home. Like
yelling at him is going to do anyone any good, huh? But
thanks for the offer.
I call my Mom, as usual. She tells me that I need to just
let it go. I don't know if that's what I'm ready to do,
but that is probably what I need to do, regardless. The
man obviously is not going to take care of his
obligations. I oughtta know that already, I received a
letter in his name at our current house, a collection
letter asking for almost $9,000! It's for a credit card
that I was helping him to pay for (one of many) when we got
married so many years ago. I got us into credit counseling
and everything, but when he dropped us, I dropped the
credit bills back into his lap. I even made sure that they
were spelled out in the divorce as his responsibility.
Well, I've grumbled long enough, and I need a shower!


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