eidolon
shifting mists
my darkness ...
... there you are... darkness... my old friend.... my
enemy... my returning lover... swallowing my soul once
more
and turning what was warm to cold emptiness... when you
spread... touching first the flesh but slowly seeping
through to lie beneath, where will we go this time? …
where
will you take me?..
I tell you how I feel
But you don't care
I say tell me the truth
But you don't dare
.. the silence deafening and blowing my eardrums, cracking
them to never be the same... life... i know it is worth
more than i currently perceive... i know there is more to
grasp than water tried to be held in the hand ... but...
right now it is not there... i can't see it...
I got my feet
On the ground
And I don't go to
Sleep to dream
.. and people wonder why i’m so paranoid?. why so
untrusting even of those so closest to me? .. why i choose
to be distanced from society.. why i choose to be lonely
and have a severely depleted cast of even casual
friends..?..
.. tell me... how many times do you set your palm on a
searing hot stove burner before you learn not to touch it
bare handed?..
You got your head
In the clouds
And you're not at
All what you seem
... my wounds had begun to heal and had scabbed over...
those scabs then discarded as they so often are for the
freshly new, tender skin... and with time that skin
recovers to a tender but recognizable and acceptable
version of it's former self... and you take those
tentative
steps towards fresh air.. towards contact and freedom..
I have never been
So insulted in all my life
I could swallow the seas
To wash down all this pride
.... this is when the vultures come to feast... not
approaching directly, they conceal themselves behind a
variety of caring guises that slowly bring them closer and
closer until close enough to sink in sharp razors of teeth
for a much larger, deeper bite ...
First you run like a fool
Just to be at my side
And now you run like a fool
But you just run to hide
And I can't abide
... is it time to abandon ship?.... to remove oneself from
circulation and return to the solitary existence that had
prior protected old wounds?... old wounds now jagged and
bare again... ripped open with teeth and claws by those
caring individuals ... those lurking waiting predatory
vultures...
Don't you plead me your case
Don't bother to explain
Don't even show me your face
'Cause it's a crying shame
... is it time to wrap the self back into the protective
blanket of distanced regard and silent observation?... to
return to solitude and loneliness which... although
painful
is nothing... NoTHiNG compared to these ravaged
wounds?. ...
Just go back to the rock
From under which you came
Take the sorrow you gave
And all the stakes you claim
yes...
please....
now....
... before it is too late ...
Lyrics courtesy of “Sleep To Dream” by Fiona Apple.