RazberrySwirlz

~*TwAnGdOoDlEz*~
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Ezoic
2004-05-04 06:38:39 (UTC)

LOG

here we go again. i was told last night that jason's
been cheating on me w/ Jennifer (mike dunn's ex cow) by
two people.. two people that dont asociate with
eachother. i remember jason saying a few days before
that "when more than one person who have nothing to do w/
eachother, say the same thing, it's usually true. the
problem is, i cant tell jason who told me this. they both
made me swear not to tell. all day today, he spent a
total of maybe 20 minutes at home. saw his daughter part
of that combined time. came home a little before 10pm,
all of the sudden, sorry, caring, wanting to make me feel
better. he told me i was hot n said to take off my
clothes, of course i was that fucking stupid!!!! i dont
know why!! stupid fucking bitch!! i didnt believe him
when he told me i didnt have to have sex, and i have no
idea why i did it. sure enuf, you know what happened.
and as soon as he was done, not even 2 minutes later, he
was out cold. COME DOWN!!! he swears he's never done
anything w/ her. but i honestly thing if i stay with
him, i'm going to be insecure about a lot of shit for a
VERY LONG TIME. i know he's not going to cut of contact
w/ her. that makes things even harder. why in the hell
is she so fucking important to u?!?! i feel so fucking
stupid!!!

may first, he spent practically all day away... but just
from this apartment. i'd seen his car throughout the
complex in a number of different areas. he was suppose
to leave at 8:30pm and bring back dinner. sum time after
12pm the next day, i was told by a friend where he was,
i'd gone down there, knocked on the door, jennifer
answered and lied to me when i asked if he was there. how
the fuck am i suppose to take this shit???? i cant live
like this. there are only two things in the world atm
that help me cope, and i cant do either anymore out of
fear of losing my daughter to you... i dont want to lose
my baby, and even more, i dont think she'd be better off
with you... we live together, and i spend about 95% of
the day with her... without you... she used to give me
hell when u werent here, im seeing that she asks me less
and less. doesnt even really cry anymore when i cant tell
her where you are, only mainly when she's in trouble.

why is it okay for him to do this?? why is it so easy for
him to hurt me?? why am i so fucking stupid??? why wont
he stop using??? fucking tweeker!!! i know for a fact
he's been smoking meth w/ the other pieces of shit in the
complex!!! why do i let him make me feel like this!! why
do i give a fuck??? i fucking love him, and hate him so
much at the same time. i hate myself more!! i just dont
want to be here anymore. anywhere. i fucking hate.


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